Welcome to Your Life Reframed. If you have not tuned in to episode 9, I encourage you to do so before continuing with this episode. In the past two weeks, we have discussed the 10 surefire ways women can destroy their husbands and the 5 effects of control on marriage.

Today, we are discussing 5 steps to letting go of control and how to get back to balance.

Why do we need to let go? Because if we don’t, we’ll go nuts! The simple truth is that we need to let go if we are to have a satisfying relationship.

Scroll down to listen in to the Podcast.

Here are the five steps:

1. Recognize your opportunities

2. Ask for forgiveness

3. Confess

4. Make a plan

5. Start with one behavior

Here’s a couple things to keep in mind as you learn to let go:

• There is no perfect relationship.
• Let go of expectations.
• Stop judging your husband based on the past.
• Focus on the positives.

Now, I would love to hear from you. Have you ever struggled with unforgiveness? If so, how did you begin the process of forgiveness? What helped you let go and get back to balance? Let me know in the comments below.

Today’s Tweetable:

There is no perfect relationship. @EdithPont #YourLifeReframed
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Rest in His Word:

An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. – Proverbs 18:15

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to share with a friend. This is my last Podcast for the year. Don’t worry, you will still receive great tips and tools to equip and empower your life, every Tuesday.

Remember, reframe your life through God’s love!

Edith

What can happen when wives exhibit controlling behaviors?

Today, I’ll be discussing 5 effects of control on marriage:

1. Resentment
2. Unloved
3. Trapped
4. Distance
5. Separation/Divorce

Reflection and Connection:

• How are you holding back your husband and your own spiritual growth?
• Are you putting on love? Daily?
• How are your controlling behaviors creating confusion and disorder in your marriage?
• If you are exhibiting controlling behaviors, are you honoring God’s covenant for your marriage?

Now, I know these are tough questions to answer, but without self examination, there is no transformation.

Action:

After listening to this Podcast, what are you going to implement to begin changing what’s under your control?

I would love to hear from you. Scroll down to the bottom of this post and leave a comment.

Today’s Tweetable:

Clothing ourselves in love is necessary if we want our marriage to thrive. @EdithPont...
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Rest in His Word:

An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge. – Proverbs 18:15

If you enjoyed this podcast, feel free to share this post with a friend. I would be extremely grateful if you rate this Podcast on iTunes and leave a brief review.

May you live in the overflow of God’s love!

Edith

Many women I work with struggle with issues of control. When things don’t go their way, they resort to taking matters into their own hands, BUT it backfires. It results in increased anxiety, conflict and a distant partner.

Today, I invite you to share the struggles you encounter with your husband or boyfriend. I share my struggles, which I hope helps you be a bit more vulnerable and honest. As sisters in Christ, we are here to help and encourage one another.

Here are the 10 ways women can destroy their husband:

1. Undermining
2. Disrespect
3. Child-Treatment
4. De-Motivating
5. Over-Spiritualizing
6. Shaming
7. Pride
8. Selfishness
9. Critical
10. Deprivation

Here’s a printable checklist of the 10 Surefire Ways Women can Destroy their Husband – Checklist. Go ahead and print it before you listen in. It will help you focus and tackle those areas that need growth.

Reflection and Connection:

• What are those areas in your life that need to be presented before the Lord?
• How do you deal with the areas you wish your husband/boyfriend change?

You can leave a comment by scrolling down to the comment section.

Today’s Tweetable:

Identifying opportunities is the 1st step in finding solutions for change. @EdithPont...
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Rest in His Word:

An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. – Proverbs 31:10-31

If you enjoy this podcast, feel free to share this post with a friend. I would be extremely grateful if you rate this Podcast on iTunes and leave a brief review.

May you live in the overflow of God’s love!

Edith

In life, few things are mandatory. To simplify your life, focus on what matters.

I remember when we moved back to Los Angeles after living in San Diego for five years. We went from a 2,3oo square foot home to a 1,200 square foot home. I found myself having to give half of my things. It was a huge task for me because I couldn’t decide what I thought had to go vs what needed to go.

I’m usually not attached to things. I’m pretty good at moving on when I don’t like something, when it’s old, when it doesn’t have a place in my home, but it wasn’t until we moved to our new home that I realized I had filled my home with “stuff” to fill the void in my heart.

Accumulating things is easy, but letting go can be a monumental task.

Living in a smaller home has been a blessing in disguise. It’s, literally, forced me to simplify and let go of excess. I no longer need to fill my house with “things.” Now, I want to fill my house with His presence. But when my home and heart are chaotic, there is no room for Him. I no longer want or need excess of “stuff” – I want and need an abundance of His love, joy and peace. That is, I want to focus on what matters, which Jesus.

Encourage your girlfriends to simplify their lives by tweeting this:

Few things are mandatory in life. To simplify your life, focus on what matters - Jesus. @EdithPont
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Scroll down to listen to this entire message on audio (below).

Now, I’de love to hear from you. Was there a time in your life where you couldn’t keep up? If so, how did you simplify and get back on track? You can leave a comment at the end of this post.

By sharing this message with your friends, you can potentially help them bring balance to their lives. Go ahead and share right now.

Blessings,

Edith

Free eBook: My eBook, Quieting the Mind: A Woman’s Guide to Biblical Meditation, is available free to new blog subscribers. If you are not yet part of our community, click here to subscribe. You will receive a confirmation email, which will include a link to download your free eBook.

Today’s Podcast was prompted by a reader’s question from last week’s post, 5 Ways Girlfriends Fail Each Other. Scroll down to listen in or keep reading.

Following is the script in case you want to read it:

QUESTION:

Hi Edith,

I am having all 5 issues mentioned on your Podcast, “5 ways girlfriends fail each other,” with two of my dear friends, which I love very much, but are not women of faith. I’m seeking God to help me with these issues, but my friends are not. How are they supposed to change if they haven’t heard your Podcast? LOL

What I really want to do is send them both your podcast… Okay, on the real, I know I have to ask God to work in me first, but how are they supposed to change their assuming, gossiping and not being honest with me, if they are not where I’m at?

How can I get feedback on handling tough situations, if I’m not supposed to share what someone did to avoid gossiping? Besides God, who can I share my problems with?

Sincerely,

Distressed Friend

ANSWER:

Distressed Friend,

I can hear your frustration. Know that you are not alone when it comes to this topic. We all struggle with difficult relationships.

First of all, there’s a reason why you are part of their lives – and that’s to bring light into their world. I know it’s hard to love someone who has different opinions and ideas, but that’s part of learning to love.

Love is not contingent upon the way we are treated, but it’s a way of seeing people through...
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You don’t have to agree with them, but you have to be flexible and accept where they are. Your friends may not be where you are and that’s okay because you are at “your level” for a reason. We all have our way of learning and applying that information. Part of being a good friend is to understand that friends will fail and that we need to work through differences.

What I’m hearing is that you want to change them. Sorry to be bearer of bad news, but you CAN’T. Change is God’s thing. Your thing is to be obedient to God and do what he calls you to do. That is to influence them NOT change them.

Influencing others begins by changing our perspective. So, here’s four steps to consider as you begin this process:

1. Start with yourself – What are your patterns of relating? What can you do to improve? Cleanse your heart of all anger, bitterness and un-forgiveness. Being in this framework of love gives will give you a clearer perspective, led by Holy Spirit and not emotions.
2. Cultivate the relationship, but don’t take things personal – If we are to influence, we need to develop a relationship of trust. If there’s a doubt about something, clarify it with the person. Don’t assume.
3. Be honest – Share your struggles. Most individuals are not aware of certain behaviors. You can’t fix what you don’t know need fixing, so give your friends an opportunity to correct those behaviors.
4. Set boundaries - People will do as much as you allow them to. If they break a boundary you’ve set, it may be time to reevaluate that friendship.

Now, just because you love your friends, doesn’t mean they are keepers. These friendships may be toxic and you need to decide if it is best to stay or leave. Sometimes loving means letting go.

Now, who can you go to for advice?

Your Heavenly Father should be your first source. Prayer, meditation and the Word on a daily basis will help you get centered and rooted in Truth. This is where you will get wisdom and discernment, but you must apply what He teaches you.

Reach out to your pastor or women’s leader. They are equipped to give you wise counsel – without spreading gossip.

Once you let go of unhealthy relationships, you can focus on building new Godly ones. But you have got to do the work. Be that great friend that you desire to have – and that friend will come.

That’s it for this episode of Your Life Reframed.

Now, be sure to leave a comment on today’s Podcast by scrolling down to the comments section at bottom of the post.

Please show the love by tweeting @EdithPont #YourLifeReframed and invite your friends to listen in. You can click here to go to iTunes and subscribe to this Podcast. I would be absolutely grateful if you would rate my Podcast on iTunes. My desire is to make my podcast available to those that can benefit from this information.

Remember: Reframe your life trough God’s love!

Blessings!

Edith

In today’s episode, I confess my qualifications in discussing this topic. Why? Because I’ve actually failed my friends in all the five ways I will mention AND my friends have failed me as well.

But, the reason I’m writing this post is because I’m sick and tired of women telling me about how they don’t have meaningful relationships. They feel lonely, isolated, and unsupported. If this is you friend, I do pray you find comfort in our Lord Jesus. He is your best friend, but I trust that He can bring a Godly friend into your life as well.

Listen in to discover the 5 ways girlfriends fail each other. If you find you have failed in anyway, this is your opportunity to turn things around and mend the relationship with your girlfriend.

• What has been your experience with girlfriends?
• What tips do you have for us who have failed our girlfriends (edifying please)?

Thank you so much for listening in. You can click here to go to iTunes and subscribe to this Podcast. I would be absolutely grateful if you would rate my Podcast on iTunes. My desire is to make my podcast available to those that can benefit from this information. You can also leave me a comment on the website – www.compassionatehealer.com – just scroll down to the comments section at bottom of the post.

I hope you join me next time!

Remember: Reframe your life trough God’s love!

Edith

Today’s topic: 5 Step formula to improve your listening skills. If you are tuning in for the first time, welcome. I encourage you to listen in to podcast #3, Active listening, as that will give you a foundation for today’s podcast.

Listening is something we take for granted. Everyone knows how to hear, but not everyone knows how to truly listen! Distractions are a big factor that hinder us from listening to what others are saying.

Active or (reflective) listening is a way to respond to another person in a way the person feels they have been heard. It goes from superficial to deeper tuning to the other person’s feelings. Active listening is a skill, which means it can be learned, but it requires that we put energy to understand the person, which can be a bit intimidating for some of us.

Here’s what we cover:

1. 7 Benefits to listening
2. 2 Types of listening skills
3. 5 Step formula to increase your listening skills

Here’s today’s tweetable:

When someone shares with you, they are giving you a precious gift - their life story.
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You can click here to go to iTunes and subscribe to this Podcast. I would be absolutely grateful if you would rate my Podcast on iTunes. My desire is to make my podcast available to those that can benefit from this information. You can also leave me a comment on the website – www.compassionatehealer.com – just scroll down to the comments section at bottom of the post.

Can’t wait till you join me next time!

Remember: Reframe your life trough God’s love!

Edith

Today’s episode: Active Listening

In this active world, listening has become an extremely difficult art form to master. We can all benefit from learning effective listening skills. Various studies stress the importance of listening as a communication skill. A typical study points that the majority of us spend 70% of our waking hours in some form of communication. Of that time, 9% is spent writing, 16% reading, 30% speaking, and 45% listening. 

In this episode of Your Life Reframed we’ll discuss:

1. The differences between hearing and listening
2. What makes a good listener?
3. Quiz to help you determine where you are in your listening skills.
4. Five tips to combat ineffective listening.

On our next podcast, we’ll discuss some things you can do to improve your listening skills. Don’t miss it!

Thank you so much for listening in. You can click here to go to iTunes and subscribe to this Podcast. I would be absolutely grateful if you would rate my Podcast on iTunes. My desire is to make my podcast available to those that can benefit from this information. You can also leave me a comment on the website – www.compassionatehealer.com – just scroll down to the comments section at bottom of the post.

I hope you join me next time!

Remember: Reframe your life trough God’s love!

Edith

Ever feel like you’re stuck on a certain unhelpful behavior or pattern? Does it feel like you can’t find the solution or that there’s no way to change?

In today’s topic, we’ll be discussing the very important process of reframing. I encourage you to listen to Podcast 1: Reframing, as it will give you a more thorough definition of reframing.

Let’s jump right in. I’m about to make a statement that you may or may not agree with.

Behind every behavior lies a positive intention.

In a simple definition, positive intention states that all behavior is (or was) serving a positive purpose.

What’s your response to this statement? For most of us, we may deny this statement because it doesn’t make sense. Most individuals tend to focus on the negative behaviors or circumstances (meaning, what is going wrong) vs the possibilities of what could be (what can go right). Focusing on the negative behaviors, we miss the underlying message, which is deeper and has the capacity to give us insight and solutions.

Positive intention is a basic principle of Neuro Linguistic Programming, which states that the information we send and receive is processed verbally and nonverbally. It then gets created into messages (information), which puts us in particular states. These states are what drives our behaviors.

Some examples of positive intention can be:

1. Agression – Protection

2. Fear – Safety

3. Anger – Boundaries

4. Physical Symptoms – A sign letting us know that something is not functioning to its capacity.

Positive intention points us toward finding healing and solutions. The behavior “good” or “bad” is trying to tell us something.

I am going to present to you a 6 step exercise you can practice at home, in a quiet place to help you reframe problematic behavior. Listen to it once before you engage in the exercise and have a notebook ready.

• The 6 Step Exercise in Pdf: Podcast#02-Six Steps to Reframing Problematic Behavior
• More on: Neuro Linguistic Programming
• Edith’s Tweetable: “We need God’s loving frame to change our broken frame.” #Yourlifereframed @edithpont

(You can download a pdf transcript of this episode at the bottom of this post)

If you enjoy this podcast and would like to receive encouraging and informative posts, visit compassionatehealer.com to subscribe and receive a free eBook, Quieting the Mind in a Hectic World.

What is reframing?

• Changing the meaning of an event or situation. Think of placing a picture in a different picture frame; it changes your view of that picture. A frame makes a huge difference in the meaning we give to that picture.

Why is it useful?

• We may get stuck using the same frame. This gives us the same perspective, the same solution, which is stopping our growth.

Why reframe from God’s love?

• Looking at life through God’s frame – steady, true, faithful, and full of love – leads us to the abundant life.
• Seeing life through our broken frame – full of mixed emotions, lies, doubt, and fear – leaves us in a place of desperation.

Types of reframes

1. Content reframing

• This is the meaning we give to a situation. The content of what we say has a cause and effect. All behavior has a positive intent or purpose. Meaning, whatever we do wants to protect, feel safe, in control, or prevent us from pain.

2. Context reframing

• The context of a situation is about where it occurs. All behavior (thought) is useful in some situations. What’s your reaction to this statement? Is all behavior useful? I will let you sit with that.

4 quick ways to reframe

1. Change the picture
2. Change the internal dialogue
3. Change the perspective
4. Move the feelings

We walk deep valleys of pain. We may tend to believe that God is not there, but He is. We may not fully understand the lesson or the meaning of our pain, but what if we stepped back and allowed God to give us a new frame of reference to our situation? What would happen?

Reframing is not easy. I know in my life, I have to work very hard to continue reframing situations. But God has stretched me and I’ve grown so much. I am deeply grateful for the life lessons because I am stronger and wiser.

I hope you have enjoyed this time learning about reframing life through God’s love. If you would like to read more on reframing, I’ve written a post, 10 Common Thinking Errors and How to Reframe Them, which can be a great start in renewing your mind.

You can click here to go to iTunes and subscribe to this Podcast. I would be absolutely grateful if you would rate my Podcast on iTunes. My desire is to make my podcast available to those that can benefit from this information. You can also leave me a comment on the website – www.compassionatehealer.com – just scroll down to the comments section at bottom of the post.

I hope you join me next time!

Edith

Show Transcript

You can download a pdf transcript of this episode here:  Podcast#01-Reframing