Harmony in the Home

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335: Changing Bad Behaviors

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 26 Nov 2025 03:01:00 -0500

Do you wonder how to change unfavorable behavior?

Today we will discuss the top 2 strategies to mold more desirable behavior over time .

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334: Understanding Your Parents

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 19 Nov 2025 00:01:00 -0500

Did you grow up in a supportive or unsupportive environment?

Today we will discuss how the messages we heard as little people impacted us as we became big people.

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333: Getting Your Kids to Listen

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 00:01:00 -0500

Do you feel frustrated when your kids don’t listen?

Today we will discuss strategies on how to help them comply with light and fluffy energy.

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332: Pulling at Your Heartstrings

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 05 Nov 2025 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel like the days are mega long but the years are super short?

Today will hear a clip that will help put everything in perspective which will bring connection to the forefront of your mind.

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331: Petty Divorces

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 29 Oct 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever know what happens behind the scenes of a divorce and how to avoid the toxicity?

Today we will hear from a divorce attorney tell the tales from the most toxic divorce he’s ever witnessed and what we can learn from it.

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330: Enjoying Your Kids

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 22 Oct 2025 00:01:00 -0400

What does it mean to actually enjoy your kids?

Today we are going to hear from the infamous Gabor’ Mate on his take on being in the joy of your kid’s essence.

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329: Message to My Grad

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 15 Oct 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever wonder what underlying messages your kids are hearing as they grow through your house?

Today I’m going to let you peek into what I hope our kids hear for the last 940 Saturdays.

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328: Other People’s Opinions Part 3

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 08 Oct 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you feel paralyzed by other people’s opinions of you?

For the 3rd week in a row we are unpacking this complicated topic for clarity so it doesn’t have such a hold on you.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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327: Other People’s Opinions Part 2

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 01 Oct 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you get in your head a lot about what others are thinking about you?

Today we will spend the second week unpacking this tricky topic and how to make it less tricky for our brains.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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326: Other People’s Opinions

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 24 Sep 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you struggle with excessive worry because of what other people are thinking and saying about you?

Today we will unlock the chains of worry wrapped around your heart in worrying what others are thinking about you.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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325: Bonding Through Tantrums

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 17 Sep 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Ever feel depleted from all the big emotions coming from your kids?

Today we will discuss how to lighten the heaviness a bit and actually connect through the storms.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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324: Steps to Taming a Tantrum

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 10 Sep 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like the tantrums and crying never seem to end?

Today we will talk about tangible steps to taming any tantrum and teaching emotional regulation in the process.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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323: Getting Your Kids to Calm Down

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 03 Sep 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel so frustrated when your kids are so frustrated?

Today we will share specific and tangible examples on how to help them calm down without adding flames to their fire.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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322: Cheat Codes on Love

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 27 Aug 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Have you ever felt like you’re misfiring when it comes to loving your loved ones?

Today we will unpack a cheat code on love using love languages as our vehicle to get there.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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321: I Overheard a Fight

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 20 Aug 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever have the same argument over and over and wonder why?

I overheard a fight and had some insight I just had to share with you!

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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320: Healing

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 13 Aug 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever want to know the secret to healing is?

There are many modalities to healing and today we will talk about one through a powerful quote that will knock your socks off.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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319: Volatile Parents

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 06 Aug 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Were you raised by a volatile parent or parents?

Today we will grow in our understanding on how that impacts you today.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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318: Wounded Parents

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 30 Jul 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you wonder why your parents were not there for you like you needed while you were growing up?

Today we will unpack what might have been going on for them while you were growing up to offer you some relief in that understanding. Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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317: Getting the Love You Want

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 23 Jul 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like you and your spouse have the same arguments and it feels like Groundhog’s Day?

Today we will unpack why that happens and hopefully offer some relief to get you off the repetitive cycle.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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316: Halo Effect

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 16 Jul 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Did you ever feel like your parents played favorites when you were growing up?

Today we will unpack why that happened and how we may play favorites today and how it is a lose lose for everyone in our 4 walls.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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315: Breaking Curses

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 09 Jul 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like you can never please your parents even though you’re an adult?

Today we will listen to an impactful clip that may heal you in real time.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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314: Generational Trauma

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 02 Jul 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like you’re recreating the traumatic parts of your childhood with your own children?

Today we will talk about how to untether from that childhood and reparent yourself in a way that heals everyone in your 4 walls.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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313: Why We're Lazy

Kelly Hutcheson — Tue, 24 Jun 2025 20:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel stuck in the mud and can’t get anything done?

Then you to do list gets longer and the mud gets thicker?

Today we will unpack what is happening in our brains and how to life hack our way out of it.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

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310: Feeling Stuck

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 04 Jun 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you feel stuck in overwhelm and confusion when you’re creating habits in your life?

Today we will investigate 4 questions that can help you feel unstuck just a little bit more than you felt yesterday.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day or you can sign up for the training here:

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309: Becky Brain

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 28 May 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you feel like your life is spinning out of control some days?

Today we will introduce Becky into your life who may be responsible for some of that chaos.

Who in the world is Becky? Listen in to find out.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day or you can sign up for the training here:

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308: The Learning Lab

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 21 May 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you feel like there is too much chaos in your everyday in your 4 walls?

Today we will talk about to take the fire out of the burn in the chaos a bit to lessen the tension and get to the root of the why we want to do just that.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day or you can sign up for the training here:

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307: Starting Over

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 14 May 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you want to create better habits but sometimes don’t know where to start?

Today we will unpack how to start new habits in a way that doesn’t feel so overwhelming and daunting.

Let me know your biggest takeaway.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day or you can sign up for the training here:

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306: Other People’s Opinions

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 07 May 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Are you consumed with what other people are thinking about you?

Today we will discuss how to prevent this from happening and mute it from our internal dialogue or at least turn it down a few decibels.

Please let me know your biggest takeaway after hearing about other people’s opinions.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in the Ozlo sleep earbuds or more info on the letter writing side gig and to see if your state is eligible.

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305: Feeling Behind In Life

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 30 Apr 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like you’re behind in life or in your goals?

Today we will hear from someone who has created a really cool analogy to nip this thinking in the bud to create peace and freedom with the present being a present.

Please let me know your biggest takeaway after hearing about the concept of falling behind.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in the Ozlo sleep earbuds or more info on the letter writing side gig and to see if your state is eligible.

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304: The Streisand Effect

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 23 Apr 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Have you ever heard of The Barbara Streisand Effect?

It’s a fascinating phenomenon that happened in the early 2000s and has become a common occurrence in our everyday.

Please let me know your biggest takeaway after hearing about this phenomenon.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in the Ozlo sleep earbuds or more info on the letter writing side gig and to see if your state is eligible.

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303: Love and Logic Natural Consequences

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 16 Apr 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever struggle with correcting behaviors by finding the best consequence that will extinguish the behavior in the future?

Today we will discuss some ideas that work with kids of all ages and circumstances.

Please let me know your biggest takeaway after hearing about natural consequences.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in the Ozlo sleep earbuds or more info on the letter writing side gig and to see if your state is eligible.

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302: It’s Not About The Pasta

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 09 Apr 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever overreact and flip out and realize after the fact?

Today we will figure out why that is and use pasta as a lighthearted way to bring us back into love and out of ego.

Please let me know your biggest takeaway after hearing about the pasta.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing side gig and to see if your state is eligible.

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301: Destination Addiction 101

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 02 Apr 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like you’re on a race to nowhere?

Today we will unpack the concept of destination addiction and how it can sneak up on us and poison our lives once we get there.

Let me know what your biggest takeaway is and lightning bolt moments!

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300: Conscious Parenting POV: Lily

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 26 Mar 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Happy 300th episode of our podcast!!

Have ever wanted to hear about the impact of conscious parenting from a kid‘s point of view? Well today is your lucky day as we hear from our lily. She is the reason I found conscious parenting back in 2014 when I was stressed and snappy everyday and desperate for answers.

She has been my greatest teacher since becoming a parent in 2008! She’s days away from being 17 and has more wisdom in her soul than I had in my pinkie when I was 17! I always joke that she’s always been more mature as a kid than me as an adult.

Please let me know your biggest takeaway after hearing from Lily.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day.

Check out our sponsor Herbal Face Food and support the show by clicking the link https://tinyurl.com/KellysFavoriteAntiAgingSerum and using the code Harmony20 at checkout for 20% off.

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299: Cool Kylie

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 19 Mar 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Do you feel stuck and having a hard time getting momentum?

Today we will unpack what that is all about and how to get the big Mo in your life and the answer may surprise you.

Please let me know your biggest takeaway to this topic.

Also, feel free to reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day.

Check out our sponsor Herbal Face Food and support the show by clicking the link https://tinyurl.com/KellysFavoriteAntiAgingSerum and using the code Harmony20 at checkout for 20% off.

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298: Letter Loving

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 12 Mar 2025 00:01:00 -0400

Have you ever wondered what’s going on with my mailbox and why it is always overflowing with envelopes?

It has been a fun little distracting side gig for me, that I fit between clients, laundry, and kid’s activities. Others who have joined the letter writing game and having fun too.

It’s not for everyone so today I will explain the ins and outs of this fun little side gig that has been a cool hobby for me and see if it’s something that stirs a little fun in your heart too.

It’s a bit outside the box of your average side gig so I made a video too so if you prefer to “watch” today’s podcast then click here to watch me attempt to explain it here → https://tinyurl.com/LetterWritingLove2025

Please let me know your biggest takeaway to this topic.

Check out our sponsor Herbal Face Food and support the show by clicking the link https://tinyurl.com/KellysFavoriteAntiAgingSerum and using the code Harmony20 at checkout for 20% off.

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297: Hard House Cleaning

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 05 Mar 2025 00:01:00 -0500

Do you feel overwhelmed often because of the state of your house?

Today we will unpack how to overcome that emotion while restoring order at the same time.

Please let me know your biggest takeaway to this topic and reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day.

Check out our sponsor Herbal Face Food and support the show by clicking the link https://tinyurl.com/KellysFavoriteAntiAgingSerum and using the code Harmony20 at checkout for 20% off.

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296: Why You’re Not Taking Action

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 26 Feb 2025 09:19:00 -0500

Do you ever wonder why you have a desire in your heart to do something but then don’t do it?

Today we will unpack why that happens to us all and how to override your primal brain.

The best news is that it is completely normal and 100% of us deal with the same frustration.

Please let me know your biggest takeaway to this topic and reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day.

Check out our sponsor Herbal Face Food and support the show by clicking the link https://tinyurl.com/KellysFavoriteAntiAgingSerum and using the code Harmony20 at checkout for 20% off.

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295: Love Cup Withdrawals

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 19 Feb 2025 00:01:00 -0500

We talk about our emotional love cup on this podcast and making intentional deposits. But what happens when withdrawals happen in our most vulnerable relationships?

Today we will unpack what that is like and how it plays into our different love languages so we can be more intentional with the impact of our withdrawals as much as we are with our deposits.

Please let me know your biggest takeaway and reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day.

Check out our sponsor Herbal Face Food and support the show by clicking the link https://tinyurl.com/KellysFavoriteAntiAgingSerum and using the code Harmony20 at checkout for 20% off.

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294: If You Are Angry All The Time

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 12 Feb 2025 00:01:00 -0500

Do you feel like you’re angry all the time and don’t know why?

Do you make a mountain out of a molehill where the reaction does not fit the situation in front of you?

Do you overreact in the moment and then think back later why did I overreact like that?

Today we all unpack where that anger comes from to help stabilize it a bit so the reaction fits the situation better and more appropriately.

When we learn how to do this, we become the best role models for our kids to teach them how to manage their anger, which is difficult for them as well.

If an emotion is difficult for us as adults then it is 100 times harder for little kids because their brains haven’t fully developed so it’s a classic case of monkey see-monkey do.

The better we manage our anger the better we show up in our 4 walls to have more Harmony in our Home.

Please reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day.

Check out our sponsor Herbal Face Food and support the show by clicking the link https://tinyurl.com/KellysFavoriteAntiAgingSerum and using the code Harmony20 at checkout for 20% off.

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293: Sleep Hygiene

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 05 Feb 2025 00:01:00 -0500

Do you have issues with falling asleep or staying asleep once you go to bed?

Today I will talk about some tips and strategies that have helped me over the years. I’ve had issues with sleep for the last few decades.

I have tried pretty much everything under the sun, so I will share what is working and what I have tried because it’s never one-size-fits-all so you’ll have more tools in your sleep toolbox.

The better we sleep the better we show up in our 4 walls to have more Harmony in the Home.

Please reply to this email if you’re interested in more info on the letter writing I’m doing and having so much fun with every day.

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292: Do Hard Things

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 00:01:00 -0500

Are you ever motivated to accomplish big things but then let fear get in the way?

Welcome to the human race because this is a challenge for every single one of us.

Today we will try to learn how to lean into the challenges like we did when we were a kid versus running from them like we naturally do as adults.

When you understand this concept then it lets you lighten the load in your life and you’re able to have more harmony in your home.

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291: Systems

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 22 Jan 2025 00:01:00 -0500

Do you have some big goals for 2025 but not sure how to accomplish them?

Today we will brainstorm together on how to create the life of your dreams through systems.

When you understand how to do this then it lets you lighten the load in your life and you’re able to have more harmony in your home.

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290: You Are More Than Your Body

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 15 Jan 2025 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel like you’re overly consumed with your self image?

Today we will listen to some inspiring wordsI to help you to let go of that so it doesn’t have such a grip on your life.

When you understand where this thinking comes from then it lets you lighten the load in your life and you’re able to have more harmony in your home.

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289: Gossip Girl

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 08 Jan 2025 08:00:24 -0500

Are you ever overly concerned about what is going on in other people’s lives and wonder why?

Today we will unpack why that happens and how it can be a different form of an addiction.

When you understand the root of this addiction then it lets you lighten the load in your life and you’re able to have more harmony in your home.

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288: Self Love 101

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 18 Dec 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever wonder how the love language is work when we are talking about self love?

Today we will unpack that so you can make intentional deposits into your own love cup so everyone can have more harmony in your home.

Send me an email on your biggest takeaways and how it is impacting your four walls.

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287: Spotlight Effect

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 11 Dec 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Have you ever heard of the Spotlight Effect?

It’s a psychological term that can help you unload some stress and worry in your life when you are aware and conscious.

With these skills you may see your stress lighten which will lead to you having more harmony in your home.

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286: Other People’s Opinion

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 04 Dec 2024 07:23:36 -0500

Do you ruminate over other people’s opinions?

Today we will go over where that stems from and how to quiet the voices of others in your head.

With these skills you may see your stress lighten which will lead to you having more harmony in your home.

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285: 75 Hard Challenge

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 27 Nov 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Have you ever heard of the 75 Hard Challenge?

I had heard rumblings about it but decided to go for it to ring in my 50th bday. I will go over everything I learned through this challenge and a few surprises I wasn’t expecting.

If you decide to do this challenge , please share with me what you learn and with these skills you will learn will help to have your stress lighten which will lead to you having more harmony in your home.

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284: Creating Habits

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 20 Nov 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you find it nearly impossible to create habits that stick?

Today I will go over how best to create habits that stick and you’ll understand why it is so hard .

With these skills you may see your stress lighten which will lead to you having more harmony in your home.

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283: Change is Hard

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 13 Nov 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever get snarky comments from loved ones when you go to make a positive change in your life?

I will share where this comes from and how to not take it personally.

With these skills you may see your stress lighten which will lead to you having more harmony in your home.

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282: One Liners

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 06 Nov 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel tongue tied in sticky situations with your kids?

Today we are going to cover the gamut of one liners that help you squeak by in these situations instead of stuck .

With these skills you may see your stress lighten which will lead to you having more harmony in your home.

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281: External Processing

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 30 Oct 2024 00:01:00 -0400

When you have a problem in your life, does it feel better to talk with a friend about it or go on a long walk to think about it on your own?

Today we are going to talk about different ways to process emotions and how we can appreciate and honor all different types of processing versus judging someone who is different than us in the way they process emotions.Email me at coachingkelly@aol.com with what you think about this episode and/or if you want to sign up for pocket coaching to have more harmony in your home!

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280: Chapters In Life

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 23 Oct 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Have you ever had a break up or a falling out with someone that really broke your heart ?

Today we will unpack those emotions and look at a way to reframe it so it doesn’t have such a hold on you in your every day.Email me at coachingkelly@aol.com with what you think about this episode and/or if you want to sign up for pocket coaching to have more harmony in your home!

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279: Dealing With Difficult People

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 16 Oct 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you have a difficult person that you’re dealing with regularly or that lives rent free in your head every day?

If so, then today’s episode will apply to you on how to free those mental chains around that difficult person in your life and explain why they have such a hold on youEmail me at coachingkelly@aol.com with what you think about this episode and/or if you want to sign up for pocket coaching to have more harmony in your home!

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278: Walk Out the Door

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 09 Oct 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel stuck in a rut and you don’t know how to get out?

Today I’m gonna tell you an inspirational story about love and loss and how it helped me and 100s of people to get unstuck so you can use it too to free yourself of the mental chains you may be feeling in any situation.

Email me at coachingkelly@aol.com with what you think about this episode and/or if you want to sign up for pocket coaching to have more harmony in your home!

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277: Cycle of Chores

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 02 Oct 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like the household chores are never ending and exhausting?

Believe me, I know how that feels too so today we’ll unpack how to lighten the load with habits and mindsets blending together to take the pressure off your shoulders while getting stuff done at the same time!

With these skills you may see your stress lighten which will lead to you having more harmony in your home.

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276: Social Media Detox

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like your phone has a hold of you versus you having a hold of your phone?

Today we will unpack where this addiction stems from and how to curb it to a healthy level of consumption.

With these skills you may see your stress lighten which will lead to you having more harmony in your home.

Check out our sponsor Herbal Face Food and support the show by clicking the link https://tinyurl.com/KellysFavoriteAntiAgingSerum and using the code Harmony20 at checkout for 20% off.

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275: Dr. Shefali

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 18 Sep 2024 00:01:00 -0400

How are we on our 200th episode???? And we have a giveaway!

And Holy moly guacamole look who we have with us today!! I was lucky and blessed enough to be asked to interview Dr. Shefali about her new book and how conscious parenting has completely transformed our home from stressed to blessed.

Listen below and reply to this email with your biggest takeaway.

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274: Hands Are Not for Hitting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 11 Sep 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Today’s episode was inspired by the book, Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi.

We aim to stay out of the bickering when our kids get into it, but what about when it gets physical with each other or they are destroying toys/property?

Today we will talk about a cool strategy that works well when tempers are flaring and how to be the calm in their storm so you all can have more harmony in our home.

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273: Imperfect Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 04 Sep 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Today you’re in for a real treat!

I was lucky enough to be asked to be on my friend Joelle’s podcast and we talk all things imperfect parenting. You can link hearts with her on IG here.

We dive into the strengths and struggles that come with each age and stage in parenting.

I don’t want to give away the punchline to our chat, but the entire parenting journey is filled with a lot of 50/50 experiences.

Once we let go of wanting to do it the “right” way then parenting feels a lot lighter and fluffier.

Our kids pick up on that and it takes the tension out of the rope for them too to have more harmony in your home.

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272: Have More Time With Pomodoro Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 28 Aug 2024 00:01:00 -0400

What would you do if you had more time every day? What wonderful goals would you accomplish? What feats of parenthood would you achieve?

Well, what’re you waiting for? Stop imagining it and start doing it!

You may have seen Pomodoro timers (the little tomato-shaped kitchen timers) in many people’s houses. This is the hallmark of Pomodoro technique, a time management system developed by Francesco Cirillo in the 1980s. Pomodoro technique is applied by breaking up a block of “work time” into small chunks, usually around 25 minutes each.

Now: children are very quick to pick up on the behaviors we model (whether intentionally or unintentionally). If your child seems to have bad time management skills, you may also have a problem that needs addressing. In this episode, I’ll discuss the Pomodoro technique and the ways I have used it to help myself, my students in the classroom, and my children at home.

As you subdivide and account for your time, you will become more conscious of how you spend your time. You will be able to make better decisions about your own time management, and you will be able to help your children get better at managing time as well. You’ve got this!

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271: Please Stop, I Don’t Like That

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 21 Aug 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Why this phrase? First, this phrase is a valuable tool for small children who are just beginning to get a grasp of verbalizing their feelings. Teaching them “please stop, I don’t like that” will prevent a good number of peer disputes and tantrums before they even start.

Second, a healthy society is founded on personal autonomy and mutually-respected boundaries. By teaching kids early on to voice a concern when something is causing them distress, we prepare them for grown-up life. We empower them to stand up for themselves at work, in public, in relationships, and in a multitude of other scenarios that (God forbid) can become abusive or toxic if all parties involved do not respect boundaries. We also teach them empathy for others, so when they get told “please stop, I don’t like that,” they’ll comply.

The goal is helping all students be assertive with a Goldilocks balance; not too hot (no SCREAMING, no tantrums) and not too cold (no whining, no enabling the person doing the teasing). Just like we want to embody “calm, assertive pack leader energy,” we want our children to develop that energy early on.

By empowering your children to turn their feelings into words and communicate with other people, you are giving them the tools they need to be successful throughout their lives. It is an incredible gift to give. You’ve got this!

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270: Your Blueprint for Love

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 14 Aug 2024 00:01:00 -0400

How can I have a loving family without falling into bad patterns? — Well, here are some of my thoughts.

Think about your childhood family environment — not just your parents, but your siblings, your aunts and uncles, your cousins, your grandparents, friends of the family. You had a totally different “Saturn” growing up, with different people and different power dynamics orbiting your family. As a child you learned what love means, what it feels like to give and receive; you had some positive experiences, and some negative experiences. The brain started to form patterns very young — certain sights, smells, or tastes can bring you right back to your grandma’s kitchen or your childhood home.

And trauma doesn’t have to come from parents. A sibling, a teacher, an illness, infertility, an ex-spouse: you may have experienced trauma in many situations. I’ll discuss how persistent negative emotions affect the brain, and how your unconscious mind might organize your life around those emotions as it comes to expect them. I’ll also ask an important question: how do you heal from this?

First, remember that you are not broken. You don’t need to do anything to deserve love. As you internalize your inherent self-worth, you will have fewer expectations for other people to make you feel whole. You will not seek validation from other people (including spouse and children) who are NOT tasked with validating you and couldn’t do it even if they were supposed to — that validation must come from inside your own heart, and nothing anybody else says or does will be an adequate substitute.

The best part of being an adult is that you get to draw up the blueprint for your family dynamic. YOU have control now, and you can retain the good parts of your childhood while not practicing the harmful parts.

As you make it your prerogative to consistently practice techniques of mind management, exercise self-love, give yourself grace and compassion, and heal your old wounds without using other people as proxies for your childhood relationship dynamics, I promise on a stack of Bibles, you will feel better about yourself and you and your family will enjoy each other’s company. It is a joyous way to live.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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269: Temper the Tantrums

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 07 Aug 2024 05:57:03 -0400

I often get asked, how do I deal with temper tantrums?

Probably one of the hardest parts of parenting is working through your child’s temper tantrum. When I was a teacher and counselor, I dealt with a lot of tantrums, but the kids were generally able to keep it in during the day. I wasn’t privy to the post-school, in-car meltdowns, and I either had support, or I WAS the support. But as a parent, I was not prepared for the overwhelming amount of anger, screaming, hitting, and crying accompanying tantrums. Sometimes I felt like the house was going to flood from all the tears!

Now, I am very opposed to slapping negative labels on children’s developmental stages. Terrible twos, four-nados, no no no. Thing is, the high emotion in a tantrum is normal. Children are supposed to have human emotions. You, in your 20s, 30s, 40s, etc., have the same big internal emotions, with a key difference being that you have (consciously or not) developed coping strategies to avoid going nuclear. — Well, hopefully you have. If not, it’s time for some internal work. Luckily, you’re in the right place.

Tantrums at different ages may look different, but at the root they’re all the same. The tantrum-haver was stressed to begin with, and something pushed them over the edge. It doesn’t matter what age, kids will always have tantrums and so will you. So do I. Again, this is normal.

In this episode, I’ll dive into the four main steps of tempering a temper tantrum:

Detach
Label
Normalize
Support

I’ll define what I mean with these steps, because I know, they sound pretty nebulous. I’ll arm you with strategies that you can deploy to help your child get out of the “red zone” and back to yellow and then green.

Now, a caveat: by applying this process, you may feel like you’re giving in to the tantrum, but the goal is to change the behavior, not the emotion. You don’t want strong emotions to go away. Emotionless Stepford children and Stepford people are creepy. Your results will be better if you try out your own additional strategies as you feel inspired to do so. I am not an infallible source of knowledge. Yours is the opportunity to experiment and figure out what works for your kids (and what works for you, if you need to learn some coping strategies). Remember: you’ve got this!

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268: Emotional Regulation

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 31 Jul 2024 00:01:00 -0400

How do you teach your kids to feel tricky emotions?

This is an important topic — so important that we’ve addressed it a few times during the run of our podcast. This isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last! Emotional regulation is a skill for life! Whether you’re new or seasoned, I hope this episode will be a great help, or a helpful review.

In this episode, I’ll help you understand WHAT emotional regulation is (and it’s not creating emotionless robots!), WHY emotional regulation is an important tool for kids to learn, and WHO it’s for — because it’s not just for kids!

I’ll also help you see WHERE, WHEN, and HOW to appropriately practice it with exercises such as modeling and role-playing.

I can’t stress enough how helpful it is for kids to have healthy role models. As you work on this alone and with your kids, I promise you will all see benefits!

Remember: you’ve got this!

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267: Love and Logic Natural Consequences

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 24 Jul 2024 00:01:00 -0400

I get so many questions about what parents should do when their child makes a bad choice of XYZ.

Today I will help you understand how to find the ABC to match the XYZ.

You can plug and play this strategy into every situation to have more harmony in your home.

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266: Getting Your Kids to Listen with Love and Logic

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 17 Jul 2024 00:01:00 -0400

How do I get my kids to listen?!

It’s no secret: getting kids to listen the first time is a huge point of interest for parents. It’s the topic that most often brings people to me. Now, while there is no single good answer, there are a lot of things you can and should try, and I’ll be introducing you to some ideas that I hope will help you on your quest for attentive children!

I’ve sourced the title of this week’s episode from Foster Cline and Jim Fay’s book Parenting with Love and Logic, since I’ve found some of their methodology to be useful. As always, I encourage you to read the original material, test and see how you feel about what you’ve learned, and then decide whether you will use it in your own life.

In this episode, I’ll talk about the why and how of offering choices to children whenever possible. I’ll discuss “code words” I use with Lily and Grady to help them be attentive when I need them to do something. I’ll talk about win-win ways to reward your kids for overall good behavior while still retaining leverage to encourage them to listen. Perhaps most importantly, I’ll discuss your children’s greatest need: that you put your phone down and dedicate time to getting on their level, playing with them, and listening to them. Listening is a two-way street!

As you engage with your children on their terms, and as you set healthy mutual expectations for your relationship, I guarantee you will all be more willing and able to listen to each other and have a happy experience within your four walls. You’ve got this!

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265: 15 Seconds of Joy

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 10 Jul 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like happiness and joy is just on the other side of a smaller body, more money, a better marriage, or well behaved kids?

Today we will hear from a valedictorian who will talk about feeling joy for longer than 15 seconds and how to accomplish that.

This will lead to having a lot more harmony in your home. Let me know your thoughts on pocket coaching and your biggest takeaway.

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264: Mother Hunger

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 03 Jul 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Did you yearn for a relationship with your mom as a kid, but always seem to fall short?

This can be a very lonely and confusing road; especially seeing all the magical mother daughter relationships online with your friends.

Today we will unpack what mother hunger is and how to create connection with your kids today so they don’t have that same disconnect as an adult.

This will lead to having a lot more harmony in your home. Let me know your thoughts on pocket coaching and your biggest takeaway.

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263: Sibs

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 26 Jun 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever wonder how kids can grow up in the same house with the same parents and grow up to be so drastically different?

Today we will hear from the infamous Gabor Mate on why this is understanding it at the root level.

This will lead to dropping the comparison game and having a lot more harmony in your home. Let me know your thoughts on pocket coaching and your biggest takeaway.

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262: Let Them Theory

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 19 Jun 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel close to someone and then see them on social media surrounded by all of their closest friends at brunch that they threw, but you weren’t invited to?

It can feel lonely and confusing. It stings.

Today we will learn a way to navigate this stinging feeling so we can help our kids when they aren’t invited to a party or don’t have anyone to play with on the playground.

This will lead to having a lot more harmony in your home. Let me know your thoughts on pocket coaching and your biggest takeaway.

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261: Underbelly

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 12 Jun 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever want to change your child and their undesirable behaviors?

Today we will talk about what an underbelly actually is with behaviors with our kids and even the adults in our life

Learning this will help you have more harmony in your home. Let me know your thoughts on pocket coaching and your biggest takeaway.

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260: Calming the Kids

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 05 Jun 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like you’re living life on the crazy cycle?

Today we will talk about what it is and how to hop off the crazy cycle and hop onto the energy cycle.

This will lead to having a lot more harmony in your home. Let me know your thoughts on pocket coaching and your biggest takeaway.

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259: Emotional Speed Bumps

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 29 May 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you resonate with catchy one liners and analogies?

If so, today will be just for you to figure out how to put more power in your pause and lengthen the gap between their action and your reaction.

Reply to this email with what you think about this episode and/or if you want to sign up for pocket coaching to have harmony in the home.

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257: Energy

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 15 May 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Does your house feel stiff and rigid or light and fluffy?

Today we will hear from Dr. Delaney on how to create more peace and less chaos in your home.

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256: Mr. Rogers Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 08 May 2024 00:01:00 -0400

How much do you miss Mr. Rogers in your living room everyday?

I grew up with him and Sesame Street acting as the soundtrack to my childhood. Today we will hear from a dad who used Mr. Rogers teachings to bring more peace into his home.

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255: Emotional Regulation

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 01 May 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Ever feel like your kids cry and/or rage out in anger everyday and it just won’t stop?

Today we will disrupt that pattern and use an analogy that will help you today and everyday!

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254: Taming the Tantrums

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 24 Apr 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Ever wonder why everyday feels as frustrating as the day before?

It feels like we are in a bad movie of Groundhog’s Day with the same frustrating behavior met with the same yelling we promised we wouldnt do that follows up with the guilt and shame that always seems to be the chaser to the chaos .

Today we will disrupt that cycle of crazy and replace it with pausing and peace.

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253: Other People’s Opinions

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 17 Apr 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Are you consumed with what other people think of you?

I will promise you it gets better with age, but what are we supposed to do in the meantime? Today we will unpack the root of all this to shed some light on it and yank it out from its core so it is not so debilitating or all consuming.

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252: Accountability

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 10 Apr 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like the housework is never going to end and you’ll never catch up?

Today we are going to talk about a project we can do together to help each other to keep our house looking the way we desire.

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251: Buttons

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Do you get so frustrated when your kids push your buttons?

Today we will unlock the secrets behind the button pushers, and how to not be so activated when they are pressed.

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250: Running a Marathon

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 27 Mar 2024 00:01:00 -0400

What in the world does a marathon have to do with living our best life?

Today we will hear an incredible marathon analogy of how we can get out of the compare and despair game so we can enter into the game of empowerment and contentment.

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249: Giving Models Back

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 20 Mar 2024 00:01:00 -0400

Are you a chronic people pleaser?

Sometimes we have the disease to people please because we don’t want anyone else to ever have a negative human emotion.

Today we will learn how to distance ourselves from that obsession to people please and taking our power back instead of handing it over to XYZ person.

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248: Unconditional Love

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 13 Mar 2024 00:01:00 -0400

We talk about unconditional love on this podcast all the time, but what does it really mean?

Today I’m going to give you tangible examples of what unconditional feels like and how we can emote it to the people within our four walls and beyond to have more connection.

When we have connection, we have more cooperation and lightness overall.

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247: Daddy Issues

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 06 Mar 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever wonder why you’re overly frustrated with the people within your four walls?

I learned a long time ago from Tony Robbins that it usually doesn’t have anything to do with the people living within your four walls, but more about the people that you grew up with in the walls when you were little.

Listen in today on how to unlock the secret to more connection in your relationships when you can separate the little girl or little boy inside of us from the person in front of you today.

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246: Trial Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 28 Feb 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you love true crime like I do?

Sometimes I’m watching, and my opinion of the case is like watching a ping-pong match as it goes back-and-forth.

We can use that analogy when we are with our children and our loved ones to see their amazing parts and the underbelly of those parts as well

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245: Slow Drift

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 21 Feb 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel like you’re drifting away from your loved ones and you don’t know how it happened?

Today we will talk about a fascinating topic called the slow drift and it has something to do with granola. Find out the connection with granola so you can have more connection in your floor walls .

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244: Love is in the Air

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 14 Feb 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Happy Valentine’s Day! Love is my favorite word in the dictionary and so I think it’s ironic that this episode is releasing on the most loving day of the year!

Listen in and how you can make the people within your four wall feel the love in the air on this special day and all other days of the year.Reply to this email with what you think about this episode and/or if you want to sign up for pocket coaching to have harmony in the home.

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243: IPS

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 07 Feb 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel like your kids come to you for every little thing and it leaves you exhausted?

Feeling needed by our kids can be the greatest blessing and always a curse. Today we’ll talk about how to strike that Goldilocks balance between the 2 to have more harmony in your home.

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242: Escapism

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 31 Jan 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel so stressed out and not sure how to manage the tricky emotions?

Today we’ll talk about what to do when those emotions take over and get things done so we’re not always feeling short on time and tall on tasks.

This awareness and these strategies will help you have more harmony in your home.

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241: Arrival Fallacy

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel like you’re running on a never ending hamster wheel of stress?

Do you ever feel like you’ll be happy once the kids are out of the difficult stage they are in right now?

Today we will talk about a common misconception in life to rectify it so you’ll have more harmony in your home.

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240: Cool Characters

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 17 Jan 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Do you feel like you’re talking to a wall when lecturing your kids?

Today I’m going to introduce you to a resource to help your kids directly , but in an indirect way so they don’t get defensive or filled with shame.

I’m going to go over some cool characters you can introduce to your kids and you’ll see some of them will become like part of the family dialogue to have more harmony in the home.

Cool Characters for Little Kids http://tinyurl.com/Ages2-7

Cool Characters for Older Kids http://tinyurl.com/Ages8andUp

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239: The Positive Pot

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 10 Jan 2024 00:01:00 -0500

Are you looking to improve the positive energy in your home?

If so, today’s tangible idea brought to you from Isabelle Stephenson at isabellestephensoncoach@gmail.com will do just the trick.

We’ve started it in our home for a fresh start to 2024 and want to hear if you do it too in your 4 walls.

When we improve the energy in our home then it feels a lot lighter and fluffier to have more harmony in our homes.

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238: Botanist Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 03 Jan 2024 00:01:00 -0500

What in the world does a botanist have to do with parenting?

Many times analogies in life can help us see situations in a different light and it helps to cement the concepts as a mnemonic device.

Today you will listen in and hear how this analogy can help you unlock this secret.

When we can learn from these plant experts to have more harmony in our home.

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237: Complaints and Compliments

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 27 Dec 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Today we are going to talk about the brain and how it naturally leans to the negative to find trouble and danger.

This is normal and to be expected.

Today we will be conscious about tipping the scales to live more positively in our relationships to have more harmony in our home.

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236: Active Love

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 20 Dec 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Love is my favorite word in the dictionary and we’re talking about how to actively love the ones in your life with intention and consciousness.

Our brain likes to fall into autopilot, but when we live with consciousness then we can all have more Harmony in the Home.

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235: Romeo and Juliet Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 13 Dec 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Today we will use Romeo and Juliet as an analogy in our parenting.

Listen here to find out how to avoid the push and pull with your kids in and out of the house.

When you unlock this secret then you will all have more Harmony in the Home.

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234: Pace Setter Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 06 Dec 2023 00:01:00 -0500

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233: Paint Spinner Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 29 Nov 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever want to control your kids so they will just do what you want instead of in lala land? I know the feelings.

Today I’ll share a cool little story my parents experienced in 1966 that became a family story and shaped generation after generation.

Once you understand how to implement this analogy into your life then you’ll feel lighter and have more harmony in your home for everyone.

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232: Struggle Olympics

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 22 Nov 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel like everyone else has life figured out and you’re just trying to keep your head above water?

Today we will talk about a common phenomenon that will happen in our brain when we are trying to balance all the balls of life in the air, but it feels like we are only fumbling the balls on the goal line.

Once you understand this concept you’ll have more harmony in your heart and more harmony in your home.

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231: Low Wall Love

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 15 Nov 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel lonely even though you have close friends, kids and/or a spouse?

Today we will talk about how to bring more vulnerability and joy into our closest relationships.

The fewer emotional walls we have in our relationships, the more harmony we’ll have in our homes.

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230: 15 to Clean

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Does the clutter in your house stress you out?

I get so many emails about your cluttered house creating a cluttered brain and the stress it bring you.

Today we will talk about how to have more order in your 4 walls so you can have more harmony in your home.

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229: Spotlight Effect

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 01 Nov 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Do you worry about what others think about you?

Today we will unpack how to let go of what others are thinking about you so you can step out of your comfort zone to live life out loud in your authentic self.

I hope this will allow you to have the freedom to amplify your voice in your world to spread the gifts you have been given.

The more free you live allows you to have more harmony in your home.

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228: Ruby Franke Drama

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 25 Oct 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever judge a book by its cover?

Today I’m going off the beaten path to mix parenting advice with true crime.

We will use a mommy vlogger to show you how we can’t ever know what is happening behind closed doors no matter what.

Your jaw will be on the floor when you hear about this story.

It’s an extreme example of punishments and we will learn how we can find the Goldilocks balance in our 4 walls to have more harmony in our homes.

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227: No More Gentle Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 18 Oct 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Do you associate gentle parenting with passive parenting?

Being a doormat as a parent is probably the biggest misconception in relation to gentle parenting.

Today we will unpack what it actually means to be a gentle parent.

And many times it doesn’t feel gentle to anyone to have more harmony in our homes.

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226: Lessons from Dad in Heaven Part 2

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 08:10:49 -0400

I don’t have the words to describe the grief.

I am still in a state of shock and can’t believe I’m about to say this out loud, but our sweet, kind, loving, salt of the earth and amazing father has earned his angel wings to heaven.

Our hearts are shattered and our world feels like it has crumbled around us because he’s our best friend and held our family together like glue with his incessant and unwavering unconditional love.

He left a hole in our hearts the size of the Grand Canyon and now he is in heaven watching over us with that same unconditional love.

There aren’t words to describe how incredible he was and I pray I was able to convey his goodness and his heart with all of my pictures and stories about him .

He has left a legacy of love that we will spend our entire lifetime to live out in living color to show all of his goodness through us all.

We are going to rewind back to when he was on the podcast in a 2 part series because he drops so much truth and wisdom and doesn’t even realize it.

He led with unconditional love and how he was about everything and we can learn from his heart! Thanks for holding the space for us as we find our footing again navigating these unstable waters.

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225: Lessons from Dad in Heaven Part 1

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 00:01:00 -0400

I don’t have the words to describe the grief.

I am still in a state of shock and can’t believe I’m about to say this out loud, but our sweet, kind, loving, salt of the earth and amazing father has earned his angel wings to heaven.

Our hearts are shattered and our world feels like it has crumbled around us because he’s our best friend and held our family together like glue with his incessant and unwavering unconditional love.

He left a hole in our hearts the size of the Grand Canyon and now he is in heaven watching over us with that same unconditional love.

There aren’t words to describe how incredible he was and I pray I was able to convey his goodness and his heart with all of my pictures and stories about him .

He has left a legacy of love that we will spend our entire lifetime to live out in living color to show all of his goodness through us all.

We are going to rewind back to when he was on the podcast in a 2 part series because he drops so much truth and wisdom and doesn’t even realize it.

He led with unconditional love and how he was about everything and we can learn from his heart! Thanks for holding the space for us as we find our footing again navigating these unstable waters.

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224: Double Dutch Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Does life ever feel so topsy turvy that you can’t get control of ‘all the things’.

Today we will talk about an analogy that will help you embrace the chaos of the everyday and not be so rattled by it every time.

The less rattled we are then the less rattled our kids will be and we will all have more harmony in our homes.

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223: Living with Your Ex

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 20 Sep 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever obsess over the people who have hurt you in the past?

I know I do!

Most of us do, because the brain goes on high alert after a betrayal or hurt and is constantly looking for danger signs so it doesn’t happen again with the same person or other relationships.

Today we will talk about the ones who have hurt us and how to not let them come live mentally in our house for free.

Once we control our thoughts and not let them control us then we can have more harmony in our homes.

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222: Unhealed Childhood Trauma

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 13 Sep 2023 00:01:00 -0400

The childhood trauma that we experience can haunt us for decades to come and then infect our adult relationships and that of a parent.

We carry the pain from our past with us and unconsciously recreate that dynamic today to try to heal those old wounds in current time.

Today we will uncover how to prevent it from contaminating our adult relationships; especially as a parent to have more harmony in our home.

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221: Playing Favorites

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 06 Sep 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Have you ever felt like the black sheep of the family?

Sometimes parents can show favoritism directly or indirectly .

Sometimes they know they are doing it and sometimes it is unintentional.

When it happens as a child or as an adult it will affect the entire family system.

Today we will unpack why it happens and how to recover from being down the rungs of the pecking order.

The more awareness we have then the more harmony we can have in our home.

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220: Raising a Highly sensitive Child

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 30 Aug 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like your kids cry at the drop of a hat?

Do you ever feel like you are walking on eggshells around your kids?

If so, then today’s episode will be perfect for you to listen to in order to lessen the stress and have more harmony in your home.

Source mentioned in today’s episode: https://hsperson.com/

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219: A+ Relationships

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 23 Aug 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Why are some of our relationships so easy and effortless and others feel like you’re moving a boulder uphill all the time?

Today we will talk about how to balance our emotional energy so we aren’t seeking perfection in all our relationships.

We will figure out how to pour emotional energy into the relationships that give us more pep for our step to have more harmony in our home.

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218: How to Have a Clean House

Kelly Hutcheson — Tue, 15 Aug 2023 06:24:52 -0400

Today we will talk about a topic that used to bring so much stress to our home, but we have managed to come to a balance of honoring all cleaning styles in our home.

It feels like a miracle after endless arguments and tension around this topic.

I want to share with you every tip and trick I can possibly think of while learning not to judge other cleaning styles, but learning from them.

It’s a tall task for sure, but one I know you’ll appreciate and it will bring more harmony to your home.

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217: Compare and Despair

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 09 Aug 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Why do we compare ourselves so much and then feel like a loser in the process?

I’ll go over that today on how the ego can take over and wreak havoc in our lives without consciousness.

When we have this awareness, we can teach it to our kids too to have more harmony in our homes.

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216: Abstinence Violation Effect

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 02 Aug 2023 00:01:00 -0400

I heard a new term the other day and wanted to share it with you.

It opened my eyes to where so much of our unconsciousness comes from because we spend so much time in AVE.

I’ll explain more about what AVE is in today’s episode.

When we can name it then we can claim it so it doesn’t have such a hold on our hearts.

From that awareness, we can breathe a little lighter and have more harmony in our homes.

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215: Toxic Love

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 26 Jul 2023 00:01:00 -0400

What does it mean to love our kids too much? Is there such a thing?

I heard an interesting concept years ago that was a lightning bolt moment for me.

So I wanted to revisit with you all today so we can love our children from a place of liberation and freedom vs need, dependency and control.

I hope it helps you too to have more harmony in your home.

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214: Feeling Complete As a Parent

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 05:00:00 -0400

Do you ever feel not good enough as a parent?

If so, you are just like me and every other parent on the planet. We will discover how to feel more complete as a parent and not use our kids as a way to fill in the holes in our heart that keep us from feeling whole.

The more whole we feel in our hearts then we can help our kids patch their holes to feel more complete as a kid to have more harmony in our homes for everyone.

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213: Triple H Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 12 Jul 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Do you want to learn more strategies on how to help your kids when they enter the dreaded red zone of anger?

Today we will talk about how to help them to act as their diffuser instead of adding flames to the fire.

Times get tough when they are hot under the collar which raises the emotional temperature in our home.

Listen today to find out how to turn the temperature down a bit to have more harmony in your home.

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212: Taming the 2s

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 05 Jul 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Have you heard about the terrible 2s and all the struggle that comes with it?

Today I unpack what to do with this year of parenting and you can actually apply it to any other age range to have more harmony in your home.

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211: Calming with KALE

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 28 Jun 2023 00:01:00 -0400

I’m sure you hear this title and think I’ve lost my marbles saying that KALE can calm us down?

Sometimes I come up with these titles and imagine what you’re thinking when it hits your email or notifications.

Today may surprise you how KALE can actually help us all calm down a little bit more each day to have more harmony in our home.

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210: The Marble Jar

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 21 Jun 2023 00:01:00 -0400

How do you measure trust in a relationship? It is easy to mark breaches of trust when it comes to the big things, but sometimes it is harder to measure with the little things.

In a relationship the little things add up to become the bigger things over time.

Today I’m going to explain a cool analogy that helps to quantify how marbles can help your family to have more harmony in your home.

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209: Regulating Their Emotions

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 14 Jun 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Today we will talk about how to regulate the emotions of our little and big kids.

It can get messy when we mix kids with tricky emotions, but today I’ll help clean them up to make it not cluttered.

When we teach our kids these skills then we learn from them and have more harmony in our homes.

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208: Love and Logic Natural Consequences

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 07 Jun 2023 00:01:00 -0400

I get so many questions about what parents should do when their child makes a bad choice of XYZ.

Today I will help you understand how to find the ABC to match the XYZ.

You can plug and play this strategy into every situation to have more harmony in your home.

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207: How to Be a Good Person in 3 steps

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 31 May 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Do you want to know how to be a good person in 3 easy steps?

The undercurrent of all of our hearts is how to be a good person so our kids are too.

Today we will teach you how to do this in 3 easy steps so you can teach your kids and together you’ll have more harmony in your home.

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206: Pretend Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 24 May 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Ready to let out some laughs? Today you’ll crack up at all the funny answers you gave me on a recent Facebook post I recently did.

It opens up the floodgates to understanding how light and fluffy all of this parenting can really be.

The lighter and fluffier we are as parents then the more fun we can have with our kids and that energy transfers straight into their hearts to have more harmony in your home.

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205: Percentage Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 17 May 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever wonder when you’ll master this parenting gig?

I think we all wonder deep down when it will get easier and feel lighter.

Today we will unpack how to make it a little easier and lighter for everyone to have more harmony in your home.

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204: OTJ Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 10 May 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Do you find parenting harder than you ever expected?

If so then you are like 100% of the other parents out there; including me!

Isn’t it crazy how we can all listen to our podcast together and then it all flies out the window when your kids have a tantrum or give you some lip? Join the club with us all!

Today we will uncover why it is so hard and how to make it slightly easier to have more harmony in the home.

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203: Lessons From My Support Group

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 03 May 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Life is coming at me hard and when the walls feel like they are closing in, I’m the type of person to reach out for support.

Some people turn inward when in crisis mode to process and feel their feelings and some turn outward for support to feel their feelings.

Guess which way is the right way?

Either way is the right way!

That’s the best thing about becoming an adult is that we get to make up our own rules and I usually make mine up along the way.

Today I’m going to share some strategies I’ve picked up from a support group I’m in that can work with our kids too.

Sharing is caring and please let me know your biggest takeaway that has worked for you to have more harmony in your home.

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202: Imperfect Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 26 Apr 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Today you’re in for a real treat!

I was lucky enough to be asked to be on my friend Joelle’s podcast and we talk all things imperfect parenting. You can link hearts with her on IG here.

We dive into the strengths and struggles that come with each age and stage in parenting.

I don’t want to give away the punchline to our chat, but the entire parenting journey is filled with a lot of 50/50 experiences.

Once we let go of wanting to do it the “right” way then parenting feels a lot lighter and fluffier.

Our kids pick up on that and it takes the tension out of the rope for them too to have more harmony in your home.

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201: Hands Are Not for Hitting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 19 Apr 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Today’s episode was inspired by the book, Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi.

We aim to stay out of the bickering when our kids get into it, but what about when it gets physical with each other or they are destroying toys/property?

Today we will talk about a cool strategy that works well when tempers are flaring and how to be the calm in their storm so you all can have more harmony in our home.

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200: Dr. Shefali

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 12 Apr 2023 00:01:00 -0400

How are we on our 200th episode???? And we have a giveaway!

Listen below and reply to this email with your biggest takeaway.

Giveaway alert: Share it on social media and tag me… I’ll be raffling off a free copy of her book for anyone who shares it on social media… free shipping!!

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199: Day Detective

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 05 Apr 2023 00:01:00 -0400

Does it feel like you’re pulling teeth when you’re trying to hear about your kid’s day? When I heard this idea from Dr. Becky Kennedy I just had to try it .

I thought it may work, but never knew it would work this well (teens are tough yo) so i had to immediately share it with you!

Listen below on how to get the scoop about their day by being a detective instead of an interrogator to have more harmony in the home.

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198: Awesome and Annoying

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 29 Mar 2023 00:01:00 -0400

When we air out all the awesome and annoying traits within ourselves it unlocks the burden to be perfect. In turn, it takes the pressure off of our loved ones and their shoulders as well.

Today we will discuss how to do it with our safe people in our heads or with each other to drop egos. When the egos are lighter, then we can lean into unconditional love to have more harmony in our homes.

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197: Vertical & Horizontal Relationships

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 22 Mar 2023 07:15:47 -0400

Have you ever heard of vertical and horizontal relationships?

I had never heard of them before until I stumbled upon a TikTok and the creator seemed to summarize this work in 30 seconds or less.

I was stunned and of course had to share it with all of you immediately.

Please listen to this TikTok and let me know how it resonated with you to have more harmony in your home.

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196: Helicopter Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 15 Mar 2023 00:01:00 -0400

We all know the term called helicopter parenting where we swoop in to save and protect our kids from failure, pain or disappointment.

But, today that is not the term we are unpacking and you’ll be shocked how today will help you.

Ego roars its strongest voice when we Edge God Out. We will learn together how to detach your ego and use George Jetson as your inspiration. You don’t want to miss this one!

When we are able to master this concept in our lives then we create more harmony in our home.

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195: Toxic Positivity

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 08 Mar 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Is it possible to be too positive?

I’m here to help you unpack the concept of toxic positivity. It can backfire in our homes to breed disconnection instead of connection which we ultimately want with our kids.

When we are able to master this concept in our lives then we create more harmony in our home.

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194: Future Self

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 01 Mar 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Today we are going to talk about a cool concept about creating a powerful relationship with our future self and having his/her back instead of focusing on our past pain and failures.

You can hook up your future self and find out how ironically my aim to help my future self backfired while recording this episode.

When we make the hard choices today, it makes tomorrow easier or we can make the easy choices today which makes tomorrow harder.

When we are able to master this concept in our lives then we create more harmony in our home.

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193: Feel Your Feelings

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 22 Feb 2023 00:01:00 -0500

What happened to you when you were a small child and you had big feelings? If you were told to go away or get over it or yelled at for having tricky emotions then it is probably hard to learn how to feel your feelings as an adult.

The reason why your parents didn’t teach you how to feel your feelings is because they didn’t know how to teach you.

They were likely never taught so they can’t teach what they don’t know and only passed on the strategies that were modeled to them when they were little.

…and so on and so on down your family lineage…

Today I will help you to break the cycle of stuffing/exploding with emotions and then you can teach it to your kids to have more harmony in the home.

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192: Urges

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 15 Feb 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel like you go after a goal and have great intentions but then a couple of days in you’re already doing the thing you said you wanted to stop like smoking that cigarette, having that extra drink, excessively checking Facebook, or eating the Twinkie against you will like the Twinkie just falls in your mouth because it happens so fast.

If so, then welcome to human hood. (A word I just made up)

Do you ever feel like you’re yelling against your will? Like someone or something takes over your body when you promised yourself you wouldn’t yell and then 30 minutes later you’re screaming your head off? Today we are going to talk about why that happens and how to curb it so it will lessen over time to have more harmony in your home.

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191: The Big Mo

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 08 Feb 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel really excited about a goal and start off really strong with the habits that will get you to the goal only to peter out and start dabbling within the first week?

Welcome to adulthood and how all of us seem to tackle goals without mind management.

Today I’m going to discuss a secret weapon that you can put in your arsenal when going after big goals.

We will be learning how to be more consistent in the habits to get you there to bridge the gap between where we are and where we want to be.

When we learn the skills or fine-tune them then it’s a great way to teach the process to our kids to empower them and will lead to have more harmony in the home for everyone

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190: Overwhelm and Confusion

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 01 Feb 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever overthink about a decision or how to go about bringing change into your life.

For example, let’s say you want to lose 10 pounds so you spend an inordinate time studying meal plans/workout routines/touring gyms to find just the right one.

Then it is 2 months later and you’re still spinning in the same process and haven’t taken any action towards the goal and have added on 5 more pounds. This has happened to me and so many of my clients so I know the game we all play.

I will help you understand where this comes from and I promise you it doesn’t come from your worthiness, lack of discipline or being inherently lazy. We will unpack this together to give you more freedom and authority in your life. This will create a sense of inner pride that will be felt like a rainbow and lightness that will enter your 4 walls to have more harmony in your home.

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189: Feeling Stuck

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 25 Jan 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in quicksand when you want to make a change? You know what you should be doing, but you don’t do the thing that will get you to ‘that thing’ you’re after. Today we will explore why we all do this and how to soften the quicksand to take action instead of beating ourselves up for the inaction or overdoing a bad habit we are desperate to change.

When we learn these skills, we are a better teacher to our kids which leads to more harmony in the home. We have to (get to) go first.

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188: Replay – Your Parents Lied to You

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 18 Jan 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Today we are going to replay a very famous episode in our arsenal in our podcast that gave you lots of freedom to detach from your parents and their opinions of you as a child and today too.

Our role as a parent is to step into emotional adulthood so we can let our kids be kids and not get in their way with our own emotional baggage.

Let me know how this episode helps you to break free and have more harmony in your home today!

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187: PJ Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 11 Jan 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Have you ever had someone who is so into you that they call, text and innodate you with plans with them around the clock? You may like the person, but they are coming on so strong that it becomes a bit off putting.

Today we are going to talk about how we sometimes do that to our kids and come off as needy and graspy and don’t have a life outside of them where our every emotion hangs on their actions or inactions.

We will talk about how we can get a life outside of them and not live through them acting as a suffocator of their own throbbing spirit so they can have a life too and which leads to more harmony in home for everyone.

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186: When Your Parents Don’t Understand You

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 04 Jan 2023 00:01:00 -0500

Do you have issues with your parents understanding your parenting techniques?

If you were raised in a toxic environment and want to disrupt that pattern, it will most likely lead to resistance.

That resistance is tricky for adults to accept because the inner child is triggered and tends to bring up old wounds.

When old wounds are brought up then one can go into fight, flight or freeze at any moment because it’s a default setting for the inner child.

Today we will unpack it all and the steps on how to let the triggers not detonate at family gatherings to have more harmony in your heart.

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185: Grandparent Love

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 28 Dec 2022 00:01:00 -0500

Do you long for your kids to have a close and connected relationship with their grandparents?

That is normal to desire, but sometimes it can’t happen due to distance, toxicity, resentment, mental illness or death.

Today we will talk about how to grieve the relationships you long for when it doesn’t always pan out the way you desire to have more harmony in your home and over the holidays.

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184: Understanding Your Parents

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 21 Dec 2022 00:01:00 -0500

Do you resent your parents for how they treated you when you were younger?

It’s a common feeling to wish you had a different upbringing for xyz reasons so today we will unpack how to lessen the sting if you had a less than ideal childhood.

We will learn about how we can break the patterns and disrupt the unconsciousness to create healthier patterns to have more harmony in our homes everyday!

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183: Want Match

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 14 Dec 2022 00:01:00 -0500

Have you ever seen the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You”? It is an oldie but a goodie that I wish I knew about during my dating years to save myself a lot of embarrassment.

Today we’ll talk about how to apply this concept into all of our relationships from those in our 4 walls, the relationships of the people who were in the 4 walls when we grew up and everyone else in between.

I start off with a shopping life hack that opens up the discussion into reading the room in all of our relationships.

Let me know your biggest takeaway and how you’ll apply this in your life to have more harmony in your heart.

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182: Trauma Bonds

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 07 Dec 2022 00:01:00 -0500

We all had pain and trauma from our childhood that the unconscious brain and nervous system remembers at the soul level.

Our unconscious patterns created when we were younger mysteriously show up when we are adults because we are trying to heal old wounds in current time.

It never works so we end up recreating old trauma in our adult relationships and many times with our kids where we can lose our cool out of nowhere.

When we are aware of cutting the ties of trauma bonds with consciousness then we end up creating a legacy of unconditional love and acceptance for ourselves which is passed on to our children to create more harmony in our homes.

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181: Emotional Incest

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 30 Nov 2022 00:01:00 -0500

As a kid, did you feel responsible for your parent’s happiness?

That is a tall task for a kid and a lot of weight on our shoulders which can impact us as adults as well.

We will uncover patterns of enmeshment and codependency that may have been established as a child to garner love and approval from our caregivers.

The love may have felt conditional and carries with us as adults creating an internal conflict that leads to lots of conflict within our 4 walls.

When we unlock the handcuffs from our childhood we free our children too which leads to more harmony in our homes.

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180: Toddlers in Tuxedos

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 23 Nov 2022 00:01:00 -0500

179: Fight or Flight

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 16 Nov 2022 00:01:00 -0500

178: Cry it Out

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 09 Nov 2022 00:01:00 -0500

177: Dry Cleaning Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 02 Nov 2022 00:01:00 -0400

176: Snow Globe Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 26 Oct 2022 00:01:00 -0400

175: Roller Coaster Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 19 Oct 2022 00:01:00 -0400

174: Show and Tell

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 12 Oct 2022 06:42:21 -0400

Do you remember having show and tell in elementary school? It was one of my students favorite activities year after year as we learned in all of the end of the year surveys.

Today we will learn how to implement it in your home with a twist of self-love and self-like buried in too to strengthen their family sails in their sailboat of connection.

The more connected a child feels within their family unit then the more they will see their parents as an ally vs the competition. This allows the more strong willed kids to drop their walls of vulnerability and ultimately leads to more Harmony in the Home.

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173: Hula Hoop Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 05 Oct 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Ever want to just flip the script in your 4 walls and transform the energy in your home?

Sometimes it can feel like we are walking on eggshells in our own home and it’s exhausting to everyone in our 4 walls. Today we will talk about how to keep the eggshells out of the house and reduce tension to have more harmony in our home.

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172: Report Card Life

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 28 Sep 2022 00:01:00 -0400

If you ever feel overwhelmed with all that you have to do in life then today’s episode is for you!

Oftentimes we want to do it all, then our brain freezes from overwhelm and we do nothing creating a bigger snowball of overwhelm.

Rinse.

Repeat for life.

Today I will teach you how to break things down into smaller bite size pieces and get a GPA in life that makes you proud!!

As always, hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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171: What Is Catastrophizing

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 21 Sep 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel nervous to feel happy because your next thought is to feel like the other shoe is about to drop?

This is normal and we are going to explain a little further why our brain puts up road blocks when we feel joy.

Conversely, we could have one negative thought like my 5 year old son got a behavior note home from school and within minutes we are spiraling into stinking thinking’. We can get the note and spiral into the worst case scenario like we are failing as a parent and he won’t ever get into college or have any friends because of his behavior.

And if he doesn’t have any friends nor go to college then he will never move out and be living in our basement forever on the couch playing video games smoking weed.

See how sneaky our brains are? It can happen in seconds or minutes!

Today we will give examples and what to do when the catastrophizing brain takes over and sends us down rabbit holes we don’t want to go down.

Hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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170: Dealing With Gossip

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 14 Sep 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Has anyone ever gossiped about you before? Today we will talk about how to manage the emotions that come up when someone gossips, lies or back stabs you and betrays you.

It hurts when others do it and when we do it to others as well. The better we can handle it the more we can help our children when they face it in their lives.

As always, hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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169: All or Nothing People

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 07 Sep 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Today we are going to piggy back the episode from last week. Last week we learned how we have an all or nothing in our habits to a degree in different areas of our lives.

Today we are going to unpack how that can show up in our relationships where our mindset can go to all or nothing about people that they are all good or all bad.

Once we can find the teeter totter balance within ourselves then it is easier to project that on to our kids, spouse, loved ones, acquaintances and people from our past too.

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168: All or Nothing Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 31 Aug 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Today we are going to download some thoughts and ‘strats’ on how to achieve your goals by living in the middle ground to do a little and yield big results!. I know it sounds weird to do little and make big gains, but I’ll explain more today.

You can apply this to any area of your life like weight loss, building a business, keeping your house organized, money budgeting or anything else under the sun and allow you to see what is holding you back. Our podcast should be plug and play for you where you get to apply it to any area of your heart!

As always, hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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167: Parenting When You Feel Unworthy

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 24 Aug 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel unworthy as a parent? Join the club!! I feel this daily too!

It’s like these beautiful gifts from God are placed in our hearts when they come into our lives and all of our insecurities and “not good enoughness” that was laying dormant rises to the surface with venom!

Today we will unpack all of that and figure out together how to show up as a worthy and whole throbbing spirit so we can project that wholeness onto our beautiful gifts from God!

As always, hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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166: Swan Dive Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 17 Aug 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever feel like you’re not a good enough parent?

Do you ever feel like when someone compliments your parenting that is like they are lying or talking about someone else?

If so, then join the club because I feel like that a lot too.

Today we will unpack how to run from the imposter syndrome of being a good parent and what swan diving has to do with it all.

I hope today’s episode will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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165: Lollipop Mom

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 10 Aug 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Is there anything worse than a child having a tantrum in a store? Sometimes it is easier to just give in just to avoid the glares and stares from the other customers.

If you are out and about and your child loses their mind then I have just the solution for you to not make it stress you out so much. Public tantrums are hard for us because we have an underlying narrative that we are a bad parent that runs on loop in the background.

So when they tantrum in public we think everyone else around us is thinking we are a horrible parent because we’re not controlling our child. THIS IS NORMAL to feel this way!! But I want to reassure you that it’s all projection.

When we are tempted to give in just to make the tantrums stop we think it’ll make the tantrum end, but it creates a vicious cycle of being a lollipop mom. I’ll explain exactly what that is today and how to avoid it.

Hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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164: Rewind Your Mind

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 03 Aug 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever think you’re always lecturing your kids about their behavior and it’s going in one ear and out the other ear?

If so, you’ll love today’s episode about what to do when you’re feeling like Charlie Brown’s teacher and your kids give you that glossed over face or just quickly nod in agreement to get the lecture over as soon as possible.

Today we can fill our parenting strategy bucket all the while filling up our kid’s strategy bucket as well. As always, hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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163: Borrowing Worry

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 27 Jul 2022 04:45:36 -0400

Do you ever worry about how you’re doing as a parent?

If so, then join the club. I don’t think I’ve ever met a parent that doesn’t worry about their kids or how they are doing as a parent.

It is very normal to worry. We love our kids so much and being their parent is one of the most vulnerable feelings we will ever have in life.

The brain doesn’t like to feel vulnerable. As soon as the brain gets a whiff of vulnerability then it sends in the troops to set up a worry stand to blockade those vulnerable feelings of rawness and kick them to the curb.

Sometimes when things are moving and grooving and life feels content for a nanosecond then the brain will actually start to borrow worry to reminds us to not feel too much joy or it’ll be stolen from us like has happened in the past in other settings or relationships.

Today you will learn how we can embrace the worry bear a little bit more and not be mad at it so it wont have such a hold over us.

As always, hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

PS “If you’re worried about being a good parent then that means you already are a good parent.” – Unknown

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162: Triggers

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 20 Jul 2022 00:00:00 -0400

We are talking about what makes us blow our top!

How come our kids can do something which makes us ragey, but if we hear about another kid doing the same thing we are all soft and mushy about it?

Like if our 4 year old niece or nephew secretly cut their hair and butcher it, we think it’ll lead to a cute story later in life, but if our kids cut their hair at 4 then we lose our minds and want to ban scissors in the house for life.

Today I’ll unpack triggers and how to be aware of them. Together, we will learn how to diffuse them vs detonate them at every turn and then blame our kids for our behavior.

When we don’t recognize our own behavior then it’s a lot easier to blame the 4 year old vs looking within.

The only problem with blaming a 4 year old for our side of the street is we give all of our emotional power to a 4 year old.

I love 4 year olds, but if I can’t trust them to walk through the house with a sharpie marker, then I’m definitely not going to give them the kids to all of my emotional power.

Hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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161: Fold Free Laundry

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 13 Jul 2022 00:01:00 -0400

I polled all of you about laundry and wow did you have a lot of strong emotions.

You know how I love strong emotions so I’m here for it and will try to lighten your load a bit.

I’m speaking about laundry today, but even more about lightening our emotions around it so it doesn’t have such a hold on us all.

Unfortunately, laundry is here to stay so we have to take control of the raffia.

One of the biggest pain points with laundry that you told me is the folding/putting away step so today I have a laundry hack that will help to talk your brain into doing what it doesn’t want to do; and get your family on board too.

Hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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160: Baby Brains

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 06 Jul 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever think or exclaim “What were you thinking?” when you’re kids make wonky decisions?

I’ve done it a million times as I’m also a listener to our podcast too.

So today will be for both of us to bring more insight on what they are thinking and how we can see their behavior as separate from us and not a reflection of us and our worthiness .

Their side of the street does not dictate how we are doing and is not our report card for our value as a parent.

Hopefully today will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

159: When Parenting Feels Hard

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 29 Jun 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Does it ever seem like parenting feels hard all of the time?

If so, then today’s episode will be just for you if you don’t know how to show up when it’s so hard.

Or you may feel an immense amount of guilt for not enjoying every second of parenting.

Or you may feel like parenting is just too dang hard and you’re doing it all wrong.

Or if you may feel that you’re messing it all up which will lead to plopping your kids in therapy when their older or homeless living under a bridge

If you are like me and have ever felt any or all of these sentiments, then today’s episode will be just what you needed to hear to make parenting feel a little lighter so you can have more harmony in your home.

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158: Maintenance Mode

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 22 Jun 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Do you have trouble finding a good balance between your personal life, professional life, and parenting life?

You may feel terribly overwhelmed, as I sometimes do, by the pile of work in front of you. Maybe you ask yourself, “how am I supposed to get anything DONE?!” In this episode, I hope to demystify that process by explaining what I call “Maintenance Mode” work. Chances are high that the way to find good balance in your life is not by completing all tasks, but by doing a little bit of each at a time until they are as done as they can be.

You see, the dishes and the laundry literally never end, unless you decide to return to your prehistoric roots, walking the earth in the buff and eating with your hands! The grass never stops growing. But once you take even a tiny step toward washing the dishes or taming the jungle in the backyard, you have entered Maintenance Mode, the ideal place to be.

Now, my personal favorite method of organizing tasks is Dave Braun and Troy Amdahl’s Oola method (see Episode 73). Oola partitions life’s many tasks into 7 groups: Fitness, Finance, Family, Field, Faith, Friends, and Fun. BUT you should adopt the organization that works for you, and tweak it to your specific circumstances.

As you take small AND consistent steps toward finishing a finishable task, or toward controlling an unfinishable task, I promise on a stack of Bibles, you will see the results of working in Maintenance Mode.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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157: Shadow Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 15 Jun 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Can we walk the tightrope of doing exactly enough for our kids so they succeed?

My son Grady (who, at the time of recording this episode, is 11) was curious about one of his cousins who has taken a job at a cinema. He asked questions like “how does he know which button to push for a customer ordering popcorn?” and “how does he know where to GET the popcorn?”

I explained the concept of “job shadow” training to Grady. His cousin will start work as a trainee and watch a seasoned cinema worker. Grady’s cousin will start doing the work, imitating the trainer’s example. Soon enough, Grady’s cousin will be doing his job without much assistance. Eventually, Grady’s cousin will know the work well and be able to take on his own trainees.

Parenting follows a similar pattern. Children aren’t little employees (that probably violates FLSA labor laws!), but they learn how to be humans the same way employees at a business learn new skills. Children can take on new tasks — whether putting dishes in the sink, tidying their own rooms, hanging up their own clothes, or making their own food — pertinent to their age and stage of development, under your supervision. And eventually, they will (for they must, if they are to grow up as they should) be able to do most tasks without your hands-on assistance.

The point I hope to drive home in this episode is this. Not only can you teach your kids anything, you can do it on your own terms. Suppose you’re studying Kerry Flatley’s Self-Sufficient Kids program or reading Merrilee Boyack’s The Parenting Breakthrough, and you feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of tasks you’re “supposed” to be teaching your kids by the age they are that you haven’t done. Well, HALT that train of thought before it leaves the station, and here’s why:

Your parenting decisions, if you choose them consciously and love your reason for choosing them, are yours to own and stand by. You might still be making lunches for a child who knows how to prepare food. Or you might be teaching your six-year-old to make PB&J sandwiches. If you love your reason for continuing to provide, or for teaching a skill and retreating for the child to claim the independence their developing brains crave, that’s all that matters. Only you have a stake in your parenting process.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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156: Raising Invincible Kids

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 08 Jun 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Do your kids ever make you want to pull your hair out with their wacky antics? Do you stress out when your children do unsafe things due to their self-perception of invincibility? Maybe most importantly, do you worry that you have no idea how to parent your “invincible” kids?

Well, this episode is for you, because the things I’m gonna lay down are going to allow you to take so much pressure off your shoulders about doing the right thing when it comes to parenting. We put so much pressure on ourselves to parent “the right way” — whatever that means! HA! I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not as big and powerful as my ego wants me to think that I am, especially when raising kids.

Continuing what we talked about last week in episode 155, I’m going to talk about that theme. We aren’t powerful enough to mess up whatever destiny holds in store for our kids. We can lay groundwork for their success, and we can do everything “right” according to our limited vision, and they will still do some things (or maybe many things) very differently from what we imagined for them.

Kids do wonky stuff! I know I did, and we’re going to share our crazy wonky “I was the invincible kid” stories I asked you for on Facebook. But remember, when your kids are doing wonky stuff, that you did equally crazy things. This is a growth experience. That is part of their soul contract, agreed upon between them and God, or the Universe, however you look at it, before they were born.

On the other side of the coin, we’re not powerful enough that we can make what our children do mean something about us, try as we might to externalize our value and worthiness to them. All that does is make YOU upset. A child’s wrongdoing or right-doing does not affect your worthiness or enough-ness for good or ill, so stop making “how your children behave” a criterion for feeling worthy or fulfilled. Dr. Vanessa Lapointe has some valuable tips about this, and the link to that video (https://fb.watch/dgRDqUolZS/) will be on my blog and in my newsletter.

As you practice having grace and compassion for your kids through their “invincibility” learning experiences, giving them an abundance of love and affection, and allowing them to be what their destiny intends for them to be, I promise you will see good things in your life!

Remember: you’ve got this!

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155: Emotional Regulation

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 01 Jun 2022 00:01:00 -0400

How do you teach your kids to feel tricky emotions?

I’ll also help you see WHERE, WHEN, and HOW to appropriately practice it with exercises such as modeling and role-playing.

I can’t stress enough how helpful it is for kids to have healthy role models. As you work on this alone and with your kids, I promise you will all see benefits!

Remember: you’ve got this!

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154: Distract, Don’t Act

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 25 May 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Do you ever procrastinate? How about … get distracted?!

I procrastinate and I get distracted sometimes. No shame in that! This episode is about our habits of hiding from work that needs doing. I don’t mean like house work or schoolwork, but inner work.

We all have something in our lives that we don’t enjoy. We’ve focused a lot of negative energy toward it. It could be the dishes, our unfulfilled vision board, our unrealized fitness plans, any or all of our bad habits, or maybe the cleanliness of our house — which is often coupled with negative energy toward the culprits!

At any rate, we find ourselves using that thing, or those things, and the mind drama we’ve created, to obscure a more pressing underlying matter. We may be bothered by problems at work, deeply wounded from past traumas, or (this one’s a doozy and is probably the most common) we don’t feel good enough. And, instead of working on this or the outward problem, we spiral in inaction — we self-distract, and don’t act!

In my own process of doing this work, I noticed that I spent countless hours and vast emotional bandwidth on being concerned about the micro details of my children’s lives — things that were totally out of my control to begin with — in order to feel some semblance of control over my life. I’ve talked about this before in Episode #150. Wouldn’t you know, though … when I stopped trying to control other people and focused my energy on my own “side of the street,” I felt like I had control again!

In this episode I hope to give you some illumination and hope to help you manage your own distractions and their resultant mind drama, all of which is preventing you from taking action for your outer AND inner problem. As you sort through your emotions and consistently practice focusing on what IS rather than what you want or don’t want, I promise you will be able to attend to your inner and outer issues.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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153: Equal Airtime

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 18 May 2022 00:01:00 -0400

Is it okay to be hard on yourself? Well, yes … with provisions! Let me explain:

While Grady was at a golf lesson, I watched a man get a bucket of 100 balls and drive them one by one down the range. I’m a golf beginner, but it looked like he really knew what he was doing. The shots had beautiful, straight arcs. And yet after each one, he dropped his shoulders, cursed at himself under his breath, kicked the grass, and would get the next ball. I kept watching him, and all 100, he was mad at himself. He wasn’t having any fun, no sir! He was mad at himself the WHOLE TIME.

I thought to myself, “that’s how most people live their lives!” We often succumb to that negative energy, and we carry it with us day in and day out. The vast majority of our “getting mad at ourselves” or getting mad at other people is an umbrella for our internal voice saying “you’re not good enough.” Our line drives might look perfect to other people, but we’re still cursing ourselves out. And as parents we often take out our rage on our kids. If your parents did that to you, it was a projection of how they felt about themselves. If you’re doing it to your kids, it’s because of how you feel about yourself. It’s not pretty, but the good news is that you can clean up how you talk to yourself!

Brooke Castillo introduced me to the “equal airtime” concept, and in this episode I’m going to introduce you to it as well. Imagine a radio DJ with scheduled programming. In any given hour on a radio program, there are set time frames in which music is played, and set time frames for non-program things like station identifiers, DJ commentary, advertisements, or PSAs to be broadcast.

So, back to the start: you can be hard on yourself, if you so choose. But in order to do it in a healthy way, you MUST consciously choose to devote equal “airtime” to building yourself up, acknowledging when you do something well, noticing and documenting improvements, and generally exercising grace and compassion for yourself. As you consistently practice these things, I promise on a stack of Bibles, you will begin to see harmony in your home!

Remember: you’ve got this!

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152: Ghost Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 11 May 2022 00:01:58 -0400

151: Reparenting Yourself

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 04 May 2022 00:01:56 -0400

If you’ve followed my recent episodes, we’ve been talking about your blueprint for love which you absorbed as a child, as well as why you might want to alter your blueprint and how to do that. Sometimes, when you become a parent yourself, you feel lost because you don’t have that framework. So, in this episode, I’d like to offer some tips for reparenting yourself — giving yourself that missing framework of a healthy parent-child dynamic as a reference for parenting your children.

In this context I’m focusing specifically on healing your old wounds in the present by modeling good parenting for yourself and talking to your inner child in your capacity as a parent. Reparenting is not about becoming someone different; it’s about going back to how you were before unhealthy programming got superimposed onto your mind.

I found a guide at https://hopefulpanda.com/how-to-reparent-yourself/ complete with a lovely infographic about some steps to take, which I loved. There are a lot of ways to reparent yourself, and you may need to try a lot of things consistently over time and record the results (write down what you tried and what happened) to get a feel for your needs, but you will feel better as you do.

Most importantly: when in doubt, look to your child’s throbbing spirit — because your child will remind you of your inner child.

If you’re worried about messing up your kids, don’t worry. You aren’t as powerful as you think. You aren’t powerful enough to mess this parenting gig up. That is so liberating! It allows you to start parenting from love instead of pressure, and when you parent from love, you can reparent yourself as well.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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150: Piggy Bank Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 27 Apr 2022 00:01:56 -0400

In this episode, you’re going to learn a few important truths that made a big difference in my parenting journey. I hope that, as you learn from my experiences, you will be able to stress less and lean into the joy of being a conscious parent more.

Imagine a ceramic piggy bank full of coins. These coins represent your perception of your worthiness, a small stream of day-to-day psychological rewards, and you receive one each time you feel good about yourself. (You can imagine that the power of the psychological reward lies in saving the coins in the piggy bank, or getting the coins dispensed to you from the bank, whichever you prefer.)

When I was unconscious, I tethered the behavior of my children to my worthiness. They were my metric for “am I good enough,” and they held the piggy bank. When my kids met my expectations — when they were well-behaved or polite or didn’t cry when something bothered them — I got a coin from the bank. Boom, a little hit of dopamine. But when their behavior didn’t match my expectations — when they fought over toys or made a mess at Chuck E. Cheese or threw a tantrum in Publix — I allowed those moments to mean something about me and my worthiness as a parent and as a person. It was like they were denying me my worthiness, and I often freaked the flip out. But no surprise there! I was handing my worthiness piggy bank over to a one- and three-year-old. I was giving people with literally no life experience full control over my life. That’s crazy nutty nuts!

Yours is the blessing and responsibility of controlling your own piggy bank. Your worthiness was given to you the day you were born and will remain with you as long as you exist. On top of that, you get to set your personal metrics for success based on what you do, not based on what your kids do. Hold your own piggy bank! Don’t pass it to your kids, your spouse, your boss, nobody. It’s not their job, it’s not their responsibility, don’t do it.

Starting today, you can recognize your inherent worthiness. You get to hold your piggy bank. We are all flaw-some, flawed and awesome; so every moment is a blank slate, a new chance to try again. Isn’t that empowering?

As you internalize your worth and worthiness, and as you practice managing your own worthiness piggy bank, I promise on a stack of Bibles that you will see results. You will feel lighter and happier, you will find joy in managing “your side of the street,” and most importantly, you will not feel weighed down if your kids do something you don’t like — because whatever they do, it’s literally not about you!

Remember: you’ve got this!

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149: Merging the Blueprints

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 20 Apr 2022 00:01:50 -0400

How can I combine the “blueprint for love” I had growing up with the one I want for my family now?

Children often forget the exact words used, but they don’t usually forget how their parents and teachers made them FEEL.

What happens when, in stressful parenting situations, you find yourself resorting to tactics your caregivers used on you in your four walls as a child? How much of putting Tabasco sauce on the tongue, spanking, name-calling, and so on renders authentically good results? How much of it is rooted in compassion, empathy, and grace, and how much of it is driven by ego and pride? Perhaps you feel racked with “parent guilt” because of this. There has to be another way, you say to yourself, but this is the way it’s always been done. This is the only way I know. Do you feel chained down by this kind of thinking?

In this episode, I hope you will be inspired and motivated to break those chains.

Yes, it’s how you grew up — and how did it make you feel then? How does it make you feel remembering what was done to you? The best part of parenting is: YOU make the rules now. Take the parts of your old blueprint that made you feel seen and heard and loved, discard the parts that were unkind or harmful, and fill in the gaps with as much love, grace, and compassion as you can pour out of your little love cup.

You have a unique position while in your second iteration of the parent-child dynamic (this time as the parent) to alter the trajectory of your family line. Yours is the stewardship — the blessing and the responsibility — to break cycles of unconsciousness, ego-driven parenting, and manipulation and abuse of all kinds. What a wonderful opportunity to heal yourself and the generations that follow!

Remember: you’ve got this!

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148: Creating Your Blueprint

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 13 Apr 2022 00:01:27 -0400

How can I design my own blueprint for love?

Last week we talked about the formation of your own “blueprint” for love, which is derived from the way you experienced life as a child and teenager. Most of the components of your blueprint come from the interactions you had with your parents and other family members.

In this episode, I want to talk in more detail about the new and exciting opportunity offered to you (now that you’ve become the care-giver) to form a blueprint for love to pass on to your children.

I’d like to emphasize his point, because I know before I “awoke” and learned to chill out a little, I was constantly stressing about teaching them everything they needed to know. The fact is, if you pay attention, your kids are going to teach you more than you’ll teach them. By nature, children only know how to give love unconditionally. They do not know how to have ill intent or hold grudges. When you need a reminder of true, pure love … look to your kids.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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147: Your Blueprint For Love

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 06 Apr 2022 00:01:51 -0400

How can I have a loving family without falling into bad patterns? — Well, here are some of my thoughts.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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146: No More Junk Thoughts

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 30 Mar 2022 00:02:29 -0400

How can you clear the clutter of your inner voice?

Do you feel like the voice inside your head is preventing you from being your best self? Well, I have some tools that you can use to take control of your thoughts.

First, let’s talk about junk thoughts. I also like to call them ANTs, Automatic Negative Thoughts, because most of the time these debilitating thought patterns come completely automatically. You see, the “animal” part of the brain, the part with the triple directive to (1) seek pleasure, (2) avoid pain, and (3) maximize its efficiency in doing these, was evolved specifically to keep us in our comfort zone. The “unconscious” brain will often deter you from doing things that make you uncomfortable, like adopting conscious parenting routines, starting that small business, or working toward a health and fitness goal.

The good news is that these thoughts are NORMAL. It is part of the human experience to get major pushback from your brain when you want to leave your comfort zone. Now, listen. This title is not what it seems to be at first glance, because junk thoughts are like junk mail in that you’re going to get them every day. Again, it’s normal, it’s part of the human experience, it’s nothing to worry about. I might be worried if you actually never had junk thoughts! But you’re not going to permanently rid yourself of them.

The trick is to take small, consistent steps toward controlling your reaction to junk thoughts when they come. That is the purpose of today’s episode, and I PROMISE that if you make consistent effort toward dealing with the junk thoughts as they occur, you will see big changes in your life!

Remember: you’ve got this!

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145: Talking Toys

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 23 Mar 2022 00:01:46 -0400

How can you help people in your house put things where they’re supposed to go?

Okay, bear with me here. Remember how all the toys in Toy Story moved and talked when the kids were gone? Well, in my house, sometimes lots of objects talk! When I would leave cabinets open in the kitchen, David used to leave little sticky notes on the cabinet, from the perspective of the cabinet door, that said things like “Hi Kelly! I get kind of scared and lonely when I’m open like this! Can you close me when you’re finished? Love, the cabinet.” It was a cute, funny way to address my habit of leaving cabinets open.

If David left his flip-flops out, I’d write one that said “David, we’re feeling cold and sad outside the warm closet! Can you put us back? Love, the flip-flops.” And then, to reinforce a good habit, we’d write each other congratulatory notes, all from the perspective of the inanimate objects. We still write each other these notes now and again, and now we write them for our kids as well.

Children have a very active imagination. They practically live in Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood of Make-Believe. You can leverage this to your advantage to make reminders to complete a task light and fluffy. You can make a toothbrush or a pair of pajamas talk.

I can already hear somebody saying “well people aren’t going to make these accommodations for them when they’re grownups at school or in professional life!” Okay, let me stop this one before it starts. Remember that kids learn by play! Their prefrontal cortices (the rational, executive-function part of the brain) won’t be developed until age 25 on average. Remember that a child’s world, and their way of perceiving the world, is orders of magnitude different from ours. They will outgrow the need for Mr. Bear to have a sticky note saying “thanks for putting me back in the play bin,” but they will never outgrow being your children. As you strive for compassionate engagement with your little ones, you will find peace and harmony in your home, I promise on a stack o’ Bibles.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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144: The Hardest Workout You’ll Ever Do

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 00:01:56 -0400

What’s the most demanding workout you’ve ever experienced?

I’ve been through some really grueling physical training, both while playing soccer and for personal fitness purposes. But I think the workout that has kicked my butt the hardest is … drumroll please … MEDITATION.

Yeah. It’s hard stuff — especially for me and my ADHD brain! Why is meditation so difficult?

In this episode, I’ll discuss the motivations you may have for practicing meditation. There are A LOT of good reasons for doing it! I’ll also talk about the obstacles you’ll face, and how to surmount the seemingly insurmountable obstacles that make this workout so hard for me, for you, and for everybody. Finally, I’ll discuss the rewards you’ll feel as you meditate. I promise on a stack of Bibles that, as you cultivate a sincere relationship with the Divine and with yourself, you will feel more in tune with your best self.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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143: Rubric Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 09 Mar 2022 00:01:10 -0500

What are your metrics for success as a parent? How do you know when you’re doing a good job?

I’ve had rubrics on the brain. When my kids have school assignments, whether those assignments are projects, written reports, or presentations, the teacher provides a rubric that shows the quality of work necessary to receive a given grade.

I was thinking about this recently because I’ve been taking golf lessons with Grady (I have to unlearn a lot of bad habits from other sports I’ve done over the years, but his young brain is absorbing the correct information very quickly). He made a rubric of sorts, and says I’m in the intermediate section. I was in the beginner area last week, so I’m improving!

I can hear you all now: okay, Kelly … What does this have to do with parenting?!

The thing is that you are in charge of yourself. Ultimately, you are the only person over whom you can exercise absolute control. You will find your life is happier if you set your own targets for success, whether it’s with the cleanliness of your workspace or your house at large, or the way you respond to your children when they make bids for your attention or when they succeed at life — and when they fail too, because they will fail, and that’s NORMAL. Hold yourself accountable with self-compassion and positive reinforcement to work toward meeting those goals.

You get to decide what parts of yourself to improve and by how much, and as you focus on the part you can control (yourself), you will be a healthy example for your kids and the other people around you as well.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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142: Pressure Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 02 Mar 2022 00:01:34 -0500

When you’re new to parenting, or even an experienced parent, you may fall into the trap of using other people as your barometer. You may see an experienced parent doing XYZ thing with their kids and feel bad that you’re not doing it the same way. Or perhaps you base your success on how your children act.

As I’ve said many times before on our podcast, you only have control over your side of the street. Unfortunately, people easily forget this. They are quick to jump to worrying and putting pressure on themselves. The problem is that as you put pressure on yourself to perform well, you will begin placing more pressure on your kids — an abnormal amount, different from ordinary stressors like schoolwork or the rigors of extracurricular study in the arts or sports. This pressure isn’t going to create more success. It’s going to make everybody frustrated!

You must always remind yourself that your children, even older kids, teens, and young adults, are experiencing being alive for the first time. They don’t know how to do all the things, so they’re going to mess up a lot. Even if they’ve done something right 1000 times before, they might mess up again! And that’s okay! In addition, they feel the full gamut of emotions, and they haven’t yet learned any strategies for identifying and controlling those emotions. So it’s not realistic or fair to yourself OR to your children to use their behavior as your metric for success.

You want to see more successes? Take the pressure off of yourself, and take the pressure off of your kids. It is a joyous way to live.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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141: Addressing The Anger

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 23 Feb 2022 00:01:02 -0500

How can you help your kids deal with anger and frustration?

I asked you all on Facebook: what are some of the most difficult emotions for your kids? The results came back overwhelmingly pointing toward anger and frustration. This is totally understandable. Why? Because kids feel the exact same emotions, in the same amounts, that you do! Unfortunately, their circumstances are stacked against them: first, it’s their first time experiencing tricky emotions, so to them it seems worse than it actually is. Second, they don’t yet have the words to express their emotions. Third, they don’t yet have a way to process or cope with their emotions. The first of these issues will get better as they gain life experience, but the second and third require your help!

As a preface to my summary, consider this: your #1 job as the parent is to remain calm, like a flight attendant on a turbulent flight (see episode 107). When they go red, stay green. Their behavior is a reflection of them in the moment, not a reflection of you.

In this episode, I’ll touch on strategies for addressing your children’s anger. These techniques range from agreeing with the emotion (NOT the behavior; again, the emotion) to sharing a gentle lesson by mentioning a time when you were very angry. As you arm yourself and your children with the tools you need to identify and process your emotions in healthy ways, and consistently practice strategies for diffusing (not suppressing) anger and frustration, you and your family will notice the difference.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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140: Kick The Dog Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 00:01:47 -0500

Do you ever wonder, “why do I lose it over tiny things my kids do?”

There’s an idiom for this behavior, which is called “kicking the dog.” This expression can be summed up in this way: a person who has stressful circumstances or injustice foisted upon them will, in turn, lash out at people under their care. It can be summed up even more succinctly if we want: hurt people hurt people! Isn’t it ironic, too, that we often yell the most at the people we love the most?

In this episode, I will discuss some of the factors that might lead you to lose your cool with your kids. I will touch on the immediate consequences you probably feel, such as guilt and shame. I will talk about some developmental consequences for your children (the short story is: monkey see, monkey do). And most importantly, I will try to help you recognize some of your triggers and give you strategies to avoid “kicking the dog.”

I’m not just the president of the “harmony in the home” club; I’m a client as well! I guarantee you that if you take upon yourself the commission to rule your own emotions rather than be ruled by them, you will feel better about yourself and your relationship with the people within your four walls. As you consistently apply principles for managing your emotions, you WILL see results.

Remember, you’ve got this!

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139: Champagne Tower Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 09 Feb 2022 00:01:28 -0500

Who should I prioritize when deciding where to devote my love and energy?

I can’t remember where I heard this analogy, but it’s good enough to share. Imagine a champagne tower: a pyramid of glasses stacked so that when champagne is poured into a glass, the overflow pours into each row of glasses below it.

Just like placing your relationships on metaphorical rings around Saturn (listen to episode 9!), and just like adults are instructed to put on oxygen before children in airplane cabin pressure emergencies, YOU in your role as a caretaker need to be the first recipient of your own love and energy. Self-sacrificing behavior on behalf of your spouse, children, or literally any other person is too easily warped into a martyr complex (listen to episode 61!) to justify that kind of expenditure of energy.

In this episode, I will discuss the champagne tower analogy of relationships in more detail. I will touch on the many ways in which you can and should put yourself first. And best of all, I will go over the reason this analogy (like Saturn) is so useful: if you are happy and healthy, and if you talk to yourself in a positive way and treat yourself well, all your other relationships will benefit from that abundance of love and compassion. There is no escaping the law of the harvest: plant the seeds of grace and empathy for yourself in your own heart, and let them grow to reap the benefits.

Remember, you’ve got this!

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138: Feeling Good Enough As a Parent

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 02 Feb 2022 00:01:29 -0500

How do you know when you’re actually doing a good job as a parent?

I was recently at a sporting event with my sister and her husband. David, the kids, and I had seen a professional photographer to get some nice photos done. I got a notification that the pictures were available to view, and right there watching the game, my inner “mean girl” kicked into overdrive. I started picking myself apart, focusing on how bad I thought I looked and ignoring the other three beautiful people in the pictures, and I couldn’t stop! My sister said I might be suffering from some form of body dysmorphia, a mental illness of obsessive focus on perceived flaws in appearance.

Well, I’m working on loving myself as I am, but I use this story to draw an analogy. As a parent, you may tend to have “parenting dysmorphia” and dwell on the “weak” aspects of your parenting ability, or the things you hate about yourself. Now, that’s normal to do, BUT it’s not kind to yourself or healthy for your mind. Just like in the Michael Jordan meme: “Stop it! Get some help.” That help begins with you proactively adjusting the way you talk to yourself.

In the same way that your kids listen to you and the way you talk to them informs the development of their inner voice, you influence your own inner voice with the way you talk to yourself! You have a tremendous opportunity and responsibility to initiate your own growth and change, starting with wherever you are right now. Your children are the exemplars of unconditional love. They give hugs, make drawings and other small gifts, and show love without reservations. Internalize that. Learn (or re-learn) to be kind to yourself, and you will reap the rewards in the way your behavior changes toward everyone around you.

Back in the dark days when I was plagued by “mommy guilt,” I noticed that tiny things that didn’t bother me when my students did them made me livid when my children did them! Be sure to examine your triggers. If something your spouse or kids do sets you off, get curious, not furious. You get the opportunity and responsibility to understand why you feel certain reactions to certain stimuli, and you get to learn how to respond appropriately to triggers. If you can name it, you can tame it.

As you meet each day with an abundance of grace and compassion for yourself, you will feel better about your parenting ability, and you will share that grace and compassion with others. Remember: you’ve got this!

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137: Event or Pattern?

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 00:01:43 -0500

Have you ever asked yourself, “When should I start addressing problematic behavior I see in myself or others in my home?” I know I have! Here are some thoughts for your consideration.

I love to stop and assess: “is this an event, or is this a pattern?” If you miss a day on your workout regimen, or if your child forgets to attend to a responsibility for one day or once in a long while, I PROMISE it is okay to approach this situation using my two best friends, grace and compassion. Meanwhile, if it seems a pattern of problematic behavior is emerging, it may be time to discuss next steps for improving it. The key element here is that often-heard adage on this podcast: get curious, not furious! Don’t guess that your spouse or child (or your own brain) is willfully out to get you by doing things you dislike. Examine the situation and ask questions!

In this episode, I’ll be discussing a good handful of topics revolving around this central idea of event vs. pattern. I’ll touch on the power of creating temporary boundaries of space to keep yourself in the green zone. I’ll give examples of using positive reinforcement for good behavior. And I’ll talk about applied grace and compassion as you do nice things for other people within your four walls. You may be fine with picking up laundry left in the bathroom after a shower, or you may not. (I’m not, and I love my reasons for enforcing that boundary.) You may be fine with making lunches for your older kids, or you may not. (I still make lunches for Grady in 5th grade, and I love my reasons for doing so.)

Remember that we don’t like to be controlled, nor do other people! Ultimately, the only thing over which you have absolute control is your own behavior. You can’t bend the actions of your spouse, your kids, your mother-in-law, nor anybody else to your will! Take care that you act accordingly.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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136: Getting Your Kids to Listen with Love and Logic

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 19 Jan 2022 00:01:20 -0500

How do I get my kids to listen?!

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135: Mastering Your Mean Girl

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 12 Jan 2022 00:01:37 -0500

Just how do you deal with the incessant, insufferable noise from your inner critic?!

Everybody has a “mean girl” or “mean guy” inside of them. It is often a voice of profound negativity — not of deliberately malicious intent, it just constantly reminds you that you’re Not Good Enough. The voice of the inner critic keeps you operating in your comfort zone and out of what it perceives as dangerous circumstances. But the comfort zone is the last place you should be if you are intent on growing and making changes in your life!

In this episode, I’m giving a shout-out to Melissa Ambrosini’s book Mastering Your Mean Girl, which details her process of coming to terms with her inner “mean girl,” since it has been a valuable tool for me. I’ll be discussing some of the many ways your inner “mean girl” can exercise a chokehold on your life. I’ll summarize Melissa’s four-step CAST process for identifying and engaging with your inner “mean girl.” (I named mine Edith, and you get to name yours as well!) And I’ll be discussing how you can leverage that “mean girl” power for productive, healthy ends.

The best part of learning to deal with your inner “mean girl” or “mean guy” is that as you bring her or him into compliance with the other parts of your inner Self, you will find that you are kinder and more compassionate to other people within your four walls. Isn’t that crazy?! As you love yourself, you will be able to love others better. That’s awesome.

You’ve got this!

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134: Getting Them to Listen With Sports

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 05 Jan 2022 00:01:23 -0500

I keep getting into funny title territory! This episode is no different. You may think “well, which sport is it, baseball or basketball?” And my answer to you is … either. Let me explain.

It may be difficult getting your kids to listen. I know I have LOTS of trouble listening to my kids sometimes, and I’m all grown up. But your children need to have real attentive listening modeled for them every day! It could be sports, music, books, animals, it could be ANYTHING.

So here’s an exercise for you. Pretend like you’re on Jeopardy and you need to know all about your child’s interests. Suck up all that information like a sponge. Get to where you could answer “how many yards are in a soccer field?” or “what’s the newest Super Mario Bros. power-up?” if called upon to do so.

Here’s the thing. A lot of times we want our kids to study, to clean their room, to take a shower — we want these good things for them, and we want THEM to want these good things as well. But it’s going to take meeting your children on their terms and entering into their world FIRST in order for them to understand. Learning about their favorite sport or pastime is a golden opportunity for you to model good listening AND manifest your interest in what they have to say, because yes, both of these are essential for their development!

You can make a game out of active listening. Set goals for capturing personal “Kodak moments” and call them something based on your kid’s interests — two-point shots, goals, touchdowns, levels-up — to make it light and fluffy and remove the “routine” feeling. Grady and I are calling it “reverse golf” and trying to make or beat “par” for passing positivity and kindness to each other every day.

As you become present and take a genuine interest in learning about what your child likes, you will connect with them better! It has worked for me, and I promise it will work for you too. Remember: you’ve got this!

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133: Nine Hundred Forty Saturdays

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 29 Dec 2021 00:01:20 -0500

You’re probably thinking, what are you talking about with these random titles? Well, this title is not original. Someone told me this idea when the kids were very little, something that I’ve kind of mentioned in passing, but I decided to dedicate an entire episode to it because this helps me so much to stay present and focused and engage with my kids.

Basically, from birth to age 18, your child will be under your care for about 940 weeks. If we assume the average lifespan of a human being is 100 years, and round this time spent at home up to 20 years (for ease of math), that’s TWENTY PERCENT. These are the formative years that influence your child’s experience for many years afterward.

The days may seem to crawl at a snail’s pace, but the years will fly by. You may be tempted to stretch yourself to meet unrealistic outcomes like “my child has to be happy all the time” or “I have to be happy all the time.” RESIST this temptation and do not dwell on it, because again, it’s a wholly unrealistic outcome. Everybody has their own 50/50 of good and not-so-good.

I’ve set countdown timers on my phone for my children’s “coming of age” 940th-Saturday moments in just a few years. Whatever they choose to do with themselves —whether it’s college, technical school, or leaping straight into a profession — my goal is to make the NOW count in their favor by giving them the tools and strategies they need to be mentally and emotionally healthy adults.

Now, your mileage may vary with the “940 Saturdays” concept. If this helps you be present, use it; and if it doesn’t help, don’t use it. But in any case, make the choice to savor the good times you experience together — and when things get tough, know that it’s NORMAL, and neither you nor your child are broken. Choose to be present. Choose to drop your unmet expectations and your triggered ego. Choose every day to learn together, grow together, and move on together. It is a joyous way to live.

Remember: you’ve got this!

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132: Temper the Tantrums

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 22 Dec 2021 00:01:36 -0500

I often get asked, how do I deal with temper tantrums?

In this episode, I’ll dive into the four main steps of tempering a temper tantrum:

Detach
Label
Normalize
Support

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131: Improving Their Behavior with Kodak Moments

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 15 Dec 2021 00:01:53 -0500

First off: no, I’m not announcing a sponsor partnership with Kodak! But I am going to wax a little nostalgic for a second. I promise this is building to a point.

Years ago, when we had to use film cameras, we’d take our film roll and get it developed at the store and then we’d be able to look at it and pick the shots we wanted printed. Kodak did a whole marketing campaign about the “Kodak moments,” those incomparable slivers of joy found in the little moments documented on film, it was a whole thing.

So what does this have to do with making your children behave?! Well … let me explain!

Our kids teach us just as much as we teach them. You will come to realize that your children mirror your own emotions and thoughts and actions back to you; fundamentally, it’s monkey see, monkey do. This means that our assumptions and projections about our children often ultimately come true (so be careful what you think and how you act!).

This week comes with a challenge: I want you to “collect” some mental “Kodak moments” of good things that happen with your kids. Be aware of those times when they do the things they’re “supposed” to do. Praise them for the effort they put in rather than the result. As you work on doing this consistently, you will see a change in their behavior, and likely a change in your behavior as well. You’ve got this!

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130: Banana Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 08 Dec 2021 00:01:08 -0500

I assure you, though it may seem like I’ve gone crazy with these episode titles, I haven’t gone crazy! Let me explain how people are like bananas.

In my household, we (and by we I mean Lily and Grady) have a rapidly-changing palette for snack foods, and what they like comes in funny little waves. One phase was vegetable straws; I bought a massive pack of 50 bags of veggie straws, and then just a couple days later they said “nah, we’re good.” Another was bananas — and, getting wise to the cyclical nature of what tickles their fancy, I decided to research how to keep bananas fresh longer.

I was surprised to find that you can substantially prolong the life of your bananas by separating them and wrapping their stems (which secrete chemicals that hasten ripening) in plastic wrap. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized this is like the parenting policy David and I have adopted. We keep our “bananas” (our family) in one place, but they are all separate entities who grow at their own pace.

Relinquishing control is, ironically, the best way to feel more in control. By allowing our children to grow on their own and exercise free will as much as reasonably possible, we can undo generational patterns of codependency, enmeshment, emotional incest, narcissism, and so on. As you allow your “bananas” to “be separate together,” you will find greater emotional stability in your family unit. You’ve got this!

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129: Strainer Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 01 Dec 2021 00:01:10 -0500

What is the most important part of parenting?

As an analogy, think of a geologist sifting sediment through a strainer looking for cool rocks. All the sand comes out the bottom, and the pebbles and rocks stay inside the strainer. People, and children especially, are the same way. Let me explain!

Before I was conscious — it’s kind of funny, I say it like I was asleep for years of my life — I was so concerned with the parts of parenting that I had no control over! I thought, my kids will be better if I discipline them better, or if I use XYZ parenting technique. But the Universe has a way of subverting our expectations.

You see, time and time again, I got little prods and promptings pushing me toward the path I needed to take: take the children’s feelings into account. Whether it was from Lily explaining how easygoing it was at her grandparents’ house, or from Mark in my classroom saying “I feel like she’s always mad at us!” — I’ve learned that kids pay attention to how they feel. And this is not a political statement, or it shouldn’t be. Children are small adults and they have never experienced anything before, so we should give them an edifying experience!

Of course, this is all distilled down to that most famous of axioms: “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” And it’s true! The big rocks that stay in your child’s “strainer” are all related to how they feel. If they feel safe from belittling words or hitting or abuse, if they feel encouraged to be their best self, if they feel able to live and learn (and yes, even and ESPECIALLY make mistakes), then your parental mission is a success.

So do your best to provide a safe environment where your kids can grow, because they won’t remember if you always had the house clean, or if you forgot to sign a permission slip, or if you burned dinner one time or a hundred. But they will remember the feeling if you made home a safe place for children to grow. As you practice building that home, you will get better at doing it. Remember — you’ve got this!

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128: Have More Time with Pomodoro Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 24 Nov 2021 00:01:28 -0500

What would you do if you had more time every day? What wonderful goals would you accomplish? What feats of parenthood would you achieve?

Well, what’re you waiting for? Stop imagining it and start doing it!

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127: Have More Time to Relax

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 17 Nov 2021 00:01:06 -0500

Have you ever felt guilty relaxing? I know I have!

When my kids were little, guilt about not being busy ruled my life. I scheduled us up to our ears in activities and plans. It was way too much for David and my kids! In time, I came to realize the value in taking things slow and relaxing now and again.

Relaxation, or “downtime” as I often call it, is an important tool to help you recharge and recalibrate between periods of work during the day. It can be spent alone, with friends, with your spouse, with your kids — there isn’t one formula that works for everybody.

In general, people have a hard time relaxing; they feel guilty that they’re not “being productive.” That’s an unfortunate side effect of our work-focused society. It saps the joy out of taking time for yourself and your loved ones — time you need in order to retain some sanity in this crazy world. My suggestion, which I describe in detail in this episode, is this:

You should be scheduling your time insofar as you are able to do so. Plan to take breaks, and plan when those breaks are. Then, after a block of “work time,” take that break and don’t feel guilty when you do! If you don’t finish everything you planned to do during a work block, you can adjust your break time accordingly.

Take a look at this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BKuSlstIBM) from Jordan Page to learn more about the “block schedule system” I discuss in this episode!

You’ve got this!

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126: Grit Versus Grace

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 10 Nov 2021 00:01:29 -0500

What do we do when we put too much pressure on ourselves? What if we don’t push ourselves enough? There’s a delicate balance between grit and grace — insatiable, relentless opposing forces that both have a vital place in your personal development. For some of you, grace is the special of the day, and it’s always on tap. Perhaps you had plans in order — meal prep, a workout, learning a new recipe for family dinner, tackling a side project, cleaning a room. And, even though you had no reason not to do it, you simply didn’t do it. Nah, you think, it’s not essential. I can do it later! Now, if it’s an isolated event, it’s not necessarily a problem! We all have those days. But if it’s a pattern, perhaps you’d feel more accomplished if you exercised some grit and motivated yourself to do the things. Set timers. Write in planners. Set up a way to reward your brain with a little shot of serotonin when you finish a task that needs doing, such as checking a box on a checklist or putting a marble in a jar. It’s FREE (natural) DRUGS. Meanwhile, perhaps grit is the banner you wave. If you go hard on yourself, your spouse, and your kids, you may be best served in your parenting journey as you learn to balance that relentless push to improve with a healthy dose of compassion. As you learn how to be a conscious parent and cultivate harmony in the home, you are making big changes — often for the first time. Your children are also learning how to do things for the first time, and chances are they’re even more scared of change than you are. Make it your prerogative to learn to forgive yourself when you make mistakes, and extend that same grace to the people around you as well. As you do this, the burden on your shoulders will feel lighter and people around you will feel their weight lifted as well. In either case, whether you need more grit or more grace, know your limits. Don’t overdose on either; you will be happier and healthier when you learn to balance the two. As always, remember: you’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

125: Stack the Strats

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 03 Nov 2021 00:01:57 -0400

I thought this week would be wonderful to do a follow-up on teaching kids emotional literacy and self-regulation after last week’s episode. My title is, once again, alliteration. You know how I love it! Engaging with Grady as he plays sports and video games has been an exciting trip into the realm of new youth slang! He talks about using “strats” (strategies) to be a competent sportsman or gamer, and the need to stack or combine multiple “strats” for success. In a similar fashion, as parents we have (for the 940 weeks, give or take, that the typical child lives at home) a golden opportunity to teach our children their own “strats,” especially when it comes to recognizing and regulating their emotions. As I repeat often, little kids feel all the big emotions for the first time, and they don’t have any of the coping mechanisms that older kids or grown adults have to manage that stress. We can set our children up for success by giving them “strats” to remain in control when a tricky emotion begins to overwhelm them. In this episode I’ll talk about a few “strat” suggestions for you to model and embody in such a way that both you and your children will feel more empowered and calm when emotions are running high. Remember, you’re the flight attendant on their turbulent flight. Kids look to their parents to be the calming influence in their storm! As you consistently practice these “strats” with your kids (both with role-playing, and in live “tricky emotion” situations), you will find the power to be exactly the model of emotional literacy and self-regulation your kids need. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

124: Pepsi Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 27 Oct 2021 00:01:25 -0400

How do we respond when our emotions feel like they’re going to explode out, just like a shaken soda can? As adults, we have rough days all the time. Emotions run high; we feel out-of-control. We want to scream or cry or throw things, and we have decades of experience being human! That means that we (usually) have tools to monitor and regulate our own emotions. Small children have no such safeguards! When kids have big or tricky emotions, it is their first time experiencing them! As adults, in parenting or teaching capacities, our responsibility is to help our children navigate their new and frightening experience of feeling very big emotions. I’ve learned, from my years as a counselor and teacher, that role-playing and other interactive demonstrations serve well for teaching. Role-plays are best suited for times when your child is at their normal calm state rather than when they’re in the “red” zone (see episode 89, Red Light Green Light). You can help your child visualize buildup of tricky emotions with this demonstration, then remind them about it in a fun way to help them diffuse when the pressure builds later on. Shake a soda bottle up as you explain to your child that big emotions can build until they explode, then open that soda right up and let the pressurized soda explode out. It’s fun, it’s kooky, they’ll probably laugh at it if they’re small. I’ve titled this episode Pepsi Parenting because as you know I love alliteration — but any kind of soda or carbonated beverage will do. Coke, La Croix, you name it. Later on, if you notice your child approaching the “red” zone, you can avoid demanding that they “calm down” or “grow up.” If either of those worked, I would do them on my own kids, but they don’t! Instead, try mentioning, “hey, are you feeling like a shaken-up Pepsi can there?” to keep the atmosphere at a quality I like to call “light and fluffy.” Note that this doesn’t mean we steer away from the serious. We can have honest communication about hard things like tricky emotions, but the dialogue doesn’t have to be serious. Humans, like other mammals, naturally learn by play. As you practice modeling healthy responses to big emotions, your children will continue to learn and grow. Don’t give up; consistency is the key to their learning experience, and yours as well. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

123: Paper Towel Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 20 Oct 2021 00:03:47 -0400

The theme for this week is centered around taking one small step toward recognizing and honoring your child as a unique spirit — a gift from God, the Universe, whatever you want to call the great cosmic power — with an appropriately unique set of skills, abilities, and needs. I remember a conversation with my daughter Lily when she was very small, in elementary school, wherein she told me unprompted that she was like a sponge. When I asked her what she meant by that, she explained that she felt like she absorbed many emotions until she couldn’t absorb anymore, and just like water leaking out of the sponge, the tears leaked out of her eyes. This was an eye-opening epiphany for me. Children feel the exact same emotions we feel. They are incredibly perceptive of nonverbal communication; it’s all they know until their brains develop language skills. They can sense when their parents are having a confrontation. They can tell when people are pretending to have one emotion while really feeling another. In addition, children are just like sponges — or perhaps it would be better to say they’re like paper towels. Just like all the competing paper towel brands, each child has their own emotional capacity before they hit their limit, and each is different from the rest! Until children develop a basic set of tools to name a tricky emotion, understand why they’re feeling it, and execute appropriate strategies to deal with it, they are going to be sponges and towels, soaking wet with emotion. This is NORMAL for their age and stage. Even after they have those tools, they’ll get weepy often enough. I know I do — though much less now that I am practicing mind management and conscious parenting! Make it your business to get curious, not furious, when your kids act out, so you can help them develop the tools they need to navigate tricky emotions successfully. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

122: Lasagna Love

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 13 Oct 2021 00:01:03 -0400

This week I wanted to share a story about food — because, like, who doesn’t love food? This is also the story of a mutual aid effort I’m getting involved in. This program is called Lasagna Love, it’s now extended to all 50 states in the USA, and my family and I are enjoying this opportunity to spread random acts of kindness in the form of food. Lasagna Love matches people who need food with people willing and able to make lasagna. Lasagna Love provides the recipe; a donor makes and delivers the lasagna to the person or people in need. And this isn’t always a financial need, either. Maybe the recipient recently had a baby or has a bunch of kids and is struggling to set the house in order. And sometimes maybe a recipient doesn’t technically even “need” my lasagna, and that’s okay too. The beauty and perhaps the point of volunteering with Lasagna Love is not that I get to be the arbiter of Who Deserves To Have Food, but that I am able to spread joy to anybody who chooses to receive it. Knowing that I have made the world a little better is a reward in itself. This program is also a low-stakes commitment, because you can make and deliver as many or as few lasagnas as you can handle. Once every three months? Perfect. Twice a week? Also perfect. If you’re looking for some way to teach your children about random acts of kindness, I definitely recommend volunteering with Lasagna Love. Visit https://lasagnalove.org/ to learn more about the Lasagna Love mission. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

121: Facebook Grass

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 06 Oct 2021 00:01:45 -0400

The grass is always greener on the other side … right? WRONG! On a slight tangent from last episode’s subject, I’ll be talking more about lessons learned during my first forays into coaching. I came to use the expression “Facebook grass” to refer to that bit of sweet sweet greenery in your neighbor’s metaphorical “yard” of social media — a beautiful, cultivated space that appears to be free of all the problems of your mundane and at times miserable existence. When I was first meeting other coaches, it seemed they often resorted to “compare and despair” mode in their lives. “Did you see [friend]’s post? I have ABC locked down tight, but [friend] has XYZ and I don’t.” I return once more to that evergreen (see what I did there?) adage: comparison is the thief of joy! And what’s more, do not be deceived by your neighbor’s verdant lawns. Believe it or not, your friends, family, and favorite influencers are all suffering from problems you don’t have and would not like to have. If you traded places, just like the mom and the daughter in Freaky Friday, you wouldn’t know how to handle each others’ issues! As we discussed last episode, you have a unique opportunity to figure out what works in your life based on your circumstances. It will be different from everybody else’s, and that’s okay! Says writer Rebecca Sugar: “you are an experience; make sure you’re a good experience.” Own your experience, and create your parenthood and your life on your terms. As always, you’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

120: Pizza Parlor Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 29 Sep 2021 00:01:07 -0400

What does a pizza parlor have to do with parenting, anyway?! Well … let me tell you. Several years ago, when I was just beginning to do life coaching, I attended a seminar for life coaches. I met many of my heroes there and found myself up to my neck in information. Naturally, I was curious about these people and how their lives stacked up now that they were living what I considered the “dream life” — an intersection of self-directed employment and a beautiful vocation of helping other people, all rolled into one. I found a pattern among the people I talked to: they experienced 50/50 just like I did, good times and bad times. I had a good talk over lunch with one coach who is now one of my very good friends, and she beat herself up over how badly she thought her life was going in comparison to how it should be. In that moment, a flash of inspiration washed over me. I said to her that it seemed to me like she had an excellent pizza parlor, complete with great food, great service, and an ever-growing clientele, but was hurting herself by focusing on her flaws and comparing her pizza parlor to those of her neighbors. The pizza parlor is, of course, a metaphor for your life, your home, your career, your family — whatever it needs to mean to you. You are allowed (more than being allowed, you need) to take a break now and again to chill and get some fresh air. If you are looking at other people’s pizza parlors to compare and critique yourself as you’re likely in the habit of doing, you’re missing out on the life experience that is uniquely yours. Only you get to have YOUR life. Cherish your life, even though it’s a 50/50 experience, and some days feels worse than that. And if you do choose to look at other people’s metaphorical pizza parlors, use that experience to get ideas for tweaking your own setup. You don’t need to copy other pizza parlors’ methodologies to the letter. Figure out what works for YOU and YOUR family and do that. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

119: How to Raise an Extrovert

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 22 Sep 2021 00:01:36 -0400

Let’s revisit last week’s question: how do you care for a child with a radically different personality than your own? As you know if you’ve listened to much of our podcast, my problem was the opposite. Early on in my saga of marriage and parenthood, I had the family scheduled up to our ears. I couldn’t allow us to have a single free moment; I needed social events to occupy all our free time. I felt like we were on a treadmill going at like 10 or 11 — and then God gave me these beautiful introverted spirits to teach me how to slow down! Now, per the title of this episode, you may have the opposite challenge: extroverted children. If you’re more introverted and you have an extroverted child, you may see your child as almost like a threat, because you’re not gonna understand why they’re so energetic and independent, and it may trigger some unconscious part of you. Now, I need you to take a deep breath. Let it out. Repeat as necessary. Get curious, not furious. You and your child are working at completely different paces, and that’s okay! Just know in advance that it’s gonna be a little bit harder to connect with that child because they’re not like you. Remember the “birthday parenting” mindset (episode 116): just like planning a birthday gift for someone means thinking the way they think, your task is to get curious about how and why they think and act the way they do so you can give them what they need. I saw a very useful image floating around the Internet, which was a list of 10 ways to care for extroverts. I’ve placed my own spin on the blog in high resolution — go check that out! — and I’ll write down all the points for people who are using podcast apps or might otherwise want a text copy. Respect their independence.Compliment them in the company of others.Accept and encourage their enthusiasm.Allow them to explore and talk things out.Thoughtfully surprise them.Understand when they are busy.Let them dive right in.Offer them options.Make physical and verbal gestures of affection.Let them shine. Honor the child that you HAVE, versus the child you THOUGHT you would have — and I promise on a stack of Bibles, things will work out, and this will let them evolve into more of who God intended them to be, versus who we thought they would be. REMEMBER: you’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

118: How to Raise an Introvert

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 15 Sep 2021 00:01:41 -0400

How do you care for a child with a radically different personality than your own? This is the very question I asked myself as I came to realize that my oldest, Lily, was nothing like me, and was not supposed to be. Two events changed my outlook. First, reading Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s The Conscious Parent, which is an INCREDIBLE read by the way (or listen, if you prefer the audiobook), shattered my paradigm and aligned my expectations for raising my children away from what my ego expected and wanted. I’ve shared this quote before, but I’ll share it again: “When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a ‘mini me,’ but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is. Children aren’t ours to possess or own in any way. When we know this in the depths of our soul, we tailor our raising of them to their needs, rather than molding them to fit our needs.” That moment of clarity shifted my outlook for me and for my family in the best way possible. The second event was that Lily — my poor, clingy, always-weeping, seemingly antisocial daughter — came home from a visit to David’s parents in South Carolina bright and sunny at age 5, and said how nice it was to just sit on the porch and rock in the rocking chairs and watch the hummingbirds. I realized I had been ramping up the pressure on her to perform in social situations and play dates. I tried to make her into something she simply was not. My heart aches for the damage we do to our children when we try to suppress their God-given spirit, and that is why I am passionate about my message, which is also Dr. Tsabary’s message: we must help our children become who they are meant to be, not who we think they are meant to be, and their spirit knows the way. Besides, I’ve learned from Lily and Grady that the more you push your child to abandon their natural introversion or extroversion, the harder they cling to it. And the more freedom you give them to be themselves, the more well-rounded and even-keeled they become. It’s miraculous. I saw a very useful image floating around the Internet, which was a list of ways to care for introverts. I’ve placed my own spin on the blog in high resolution — and I’ll write down all the points for people who are using podcast apps or might otherwise want a text copy. Respect their need for privacy.Never embarrass them in public.Let them observe first in new situations.Give them time to think; don’t demand instant answers.Don’t interrupt them.Give them advance notice of expected changes in their lives.Give them 15-minute warnings to finish whatever they are doing.Reprimand them privately.Teach them new skills privately.Enable them to find one best friend with similar interests & abilities.Don’t push them to make lots of friends.Respect their introversion; don’t try to remake them into extroverts. REMEMBER: you’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

117: The Chill Chair

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 08 Sep 2021 00:01:07 -0400

Sometimes all we need is time to chill! When Grady was starting school, I got many reports from his teachers that he was crying often. Not just crying for mom and dad at the beginning of class, but crying ALL. DAY. LONG. It was shocking to me, mainly because Grady’s red zone (don’t know what that is? see episode 89!) was usually “hot”: getting red in the face, pushing people, turning over chairs, causing a miniature path of destruction, and so on. Crying was something I’d have expected from Lily, whose red zone was “cold”: whining, crying, or manifesting neediness. Grady’s crying disturbed me. This was very unlike him, and if he wasn’t happy, I was wrongly convinced that his emotional state somehow reflected on me and my ability to parent. (The ego is incessant, as always.) But after consulting with my sister Molly, who had the emotional connection to Grady but not the attached ego, my eyes were opened. Molly had dropped Grady off at school before. She noted that arriving at school was incredibly stimulating, with crowds of kids right inside the door and overly enthusiastic teachers. She said that maybe it was too much for Grady to take in and adjust to without some time to warm up. With Molly’s help and Grady’s teacher’s cooperation, I made a plan. Grady would enter through the side entrance of the classroom, sit in what we called the “chill chair” (but NOT like he was in trouble or like a time-out; see episode 8 on why I don’t utilize time-outs) and read, and join the class when he was ready. Grady’s teacher said it was like having a completely different child in class. Grady doesn’t use a chill chair at school anymore, but this was a valuable tool for me and hopefully this idea will be useful for you too. It is essential that we allow children to have space while they process their big emotions, whether it’s the overstimulation of being plunged into public school or an altercation with siblings at home. Everybody develops at a different pace. Allow kids to grow at their natural pace. Give them grace and compassion, because it’s literally their first time learning to be human! And give yourself grace and compassion too! You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

116: Birthday Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 01 Sep 2021 00:01:06 -0400

Birthday parenting? What does that mean?! Okay, let me tell you, because this is some really good symbolism. So this week, Lily and I went to the mall to shop for a birthday gift for one of her friends, who we’ll call Sally. She picked a couple things and I said, “is that something YOU would like, or something SALLY would like?” After some introspection, Lily got into Freaky Friday mode and did a personality and perspective shift, almost as though she were becoming Sally like a character in a play, and picked out some things that truly suited Sally’s style rather than her own. This is what I call birthday parenting: taking on your child’s personality as though you’re shopping for the perfect birthday gift. This can help you understand their thoughts and feelings, what makes them happy, what their triggers are, why they have tricky emotions, and what those tricky emotions are. It’s like baby-proofing the house, where you have to crawl around on the floor to see things the way a baby sees them and recognize potential hazards to baby-proof. Too often we fall into the trap of assuming our children are going to be just like us — or worse yet, purposefully attempting to compel them into developing the same way we developed (see episode 112, Clone Parenting). Let’s nip that idea in the bud right now. We should not labor under the delusion that our life is good enough that we would even want our child to follow in our footsteps! Children are like trees; we need to give them the metaphorical equivalents of sunlight, water, nutrients, and space to grow and develop their individual Self. One big way of helping them develop their inner Self is by allowing them to experience and process the 50/50, the good and the bad, without telling them how to feel or process it. As you practice “birthday parenting” and try to adopt your child’s mindset in order to understand and empathize with them, you will find patience and compassion for your child (and for yourself!) that you didn’t know you had. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

115: Leapfrog Thoughts

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 25 Aug 2021 00:01:36 -0400

This week, I want to talk about leapfrog thoughts. I came up with this term to describe the leaps and bounds of an unmanaged mind imagining the worst-case scenarios, as I used to do when my children did things I thought were incorrect. I remember when I was teaching and the school provided YMCA pre-K daycare, I watched Lily from afar begging for the teacher to hold her and bawling her eyes out at 10:30 in the morning. My brain instantly jumped to “oh no, she’s never going to be sociable, she’s never going to go to prom!” In hindsight, that was a massive jump — a leap right over normal, rational conclusions about Lily’s behavior, such as “this is normal for kids her age, because they haven’t developed an internal Self yet and still rely on external validation, and many still need a lot of attention.” I only saw what I wanted to see, which was that Lily was not an extrovert like I was at her age. We want our kids to be like us because then we can relate to them — and then when they’re NOT like us, instead of learning from them and growing from them and evolving from them, we try to mold them into this cookie cutter version of us. That’s where some of the biggest conflict happens. As I have mentioned many times before, the human mind has an unconscious mind with 3 primitive objectives (seek pleasure, avoid pain, maximize efficiency in doing these two things), and the conscious mind of rational thought and decision-making is precariously overlaid on top of the unconscious hodgepodge. Leapfrog thoughts like “Lily is never going to go to prom” are very much a mark of the unmanaged unconscious mind at work. The good news is, once you’re onto yourself, you can slow those thoughts down and play them out in your mind. Now, what does that mean? It means exactly what it sounds like. Go over that worst-case scenario. Confront it, analyze it, and challenge it. If you aren’t leading by example and teaching your kids to be that way, they most likely won’t end up in that scenario! And if despite your efforts they do stray from your ideal path, that’s because it’s their path and their experience. Your kids are going to have to visit the full gamut of life experiences, and that’s how they’ll figure their stuff out. As you rein in your leapfrog thoughts, make peace with the ever-present state of being, and accept the as-is, you will find that it is a happy way to live. You’ve got this!

114: The Compound Effect

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 18 Aug 2021 00:01:12 -0400

How do you stay focused on long-term goals? How do you get back on the horse after you’ve fallen off? I hope this episode will illuminate some useful principles for you. Darren Hardy’s excellent book The Compound Effect posits that every major success in life is compounded from tiny, almost imperceptible choices made on a day-to-day basis. For example, having a strong, healthy body means keeping to daily regimens like exercise and a food intake rich in nutrients, healthy fats, and protein. Having a clean house comes from picking up one or two things when you see they’re out of place. This can apply to a lot of facets of our life. My clients’ problem — it’s often my problem, and I’m sure it’s other people’s problem too — is that all people have a tendency to catastrophize when we miss something in the routine. We have a commitment to have a peaceful household, we snap once and yell at our children, and then we feel terrible and we can’t do it so why try? Okay, well, first off, don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. The compound effect is as much how we deal with daily failures as how we meet with daily successes. Your job is to afford yourself the grace and compassion you WILL need, so that when you mess up (and it’s okay that you do), you keep trying. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

113: Squeeze Me

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 11 Aug 2021 00:01:58 -0400

Suppose that you notice that your child or children interrupt you often when you may be busy on a phone call or talking to somebody in person. Why is that? And what can you do to quietly communicate your attention to your children’s woes? Well, first of all, know that this is totally normal for any children under the age of seven. Second, know that even if they’re well over that age, it’s not malicious intent driving them to distract you from your important business. They simply haven’t learned the skill. This is not cause to be angry with them, and in fact nothing truly is. Remember — your child is not giving you a hard time, your child is HAVING a hard time! I’m going to talk about something I would do with my first graders. I’ve talked about wearing the Hawaiian lei to let the kids know they should “ask three before me” when I was teaching other students or attending to a priority matter, but here’s another part of this equation. I also allowed them to come up to me quietly and give my hand three squeezes to let me know that they needed more immediate help with something. I would squeeze back to let them know I was paying attention and would get with them ASAP. The hand squeeze helps both of you become aware of each other’s needs without causing a major distraction from an important task. It is also an exercise in teaching your children patience as you deal with the person or thing occupying your attention. It’s just one simple way to practice healthy communication, one more resource to deal with tricky emotions. Feel free to adapt this idea how you see fit. As you use it with your children, I hope it helps you all build trust in each other, become more attentive to each others’ needs, and less annoyed by distractions. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

112: Clone Parenting

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 04 Aug 2021 00:01:25 -0400

This week, I’ll be drawing on the lesson that changed the trajectory of my life. Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s book The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children is a must-read for a parent attempting to make the journey into a conscious, healthy parenting style. Several years ago I was doing my workout and listening to the audiobook, and this quote hit me so hard that I almost dropped my dumbells! Dr. Tsabary says: “When you parent, it’s crucial you realize you aren’t raising a “mini me,” but a spirit throbbing with its own signature. For this reason, it’s important to separate who you are from who each of your children is.” DROP. THE. MIC. What a powerful sentiment, and what incredible wisdom! This was the light switch that had to flip in my mind for me to “get” why I was butting heads with my kids, especially my daughter. My relationship with my daughter was, and is, nothing like my relationship with my mother. And it’s not supposed to be either! You’re not raising a clone, you’re raising a child — and your child is going to be different from you in an uncountable number of ways. Rising to the challenge of accepting life as-is will reward you in ways you can scarcely imagine. The sooner you can accept the reality that your child is not (and is not meant to be) a clone of you, the sooner you can STOP trying, whether consciously or unconsciously, to recreate the parent-child dynamic you experienced as a child — AND the sooner you can move forward to a healthy relationship with your child. And that is worth all the time and effort you invest to achieve it. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

111: Terrible Tantrums

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 28 Jul 2021 00:30:38 -0400

A tantrum can look a lot of different ways, but it’s a global word to describe a child having a hard time. Here’s a secret: toddlers aren’t the only people who have tantrums. Older kids have them. Teenagers have them. ADULTS have them! If you feel exhausted at the end of the day, like you’ve been riding a roller-coaster, it’s likely that you’ve been having tantrums right along with your kids. I know because I used to do that, and I STILL do it sometimes. But guess what? You gotta chill, girlfriend! Remember: your child is having a hard time, not giving you a hard time. It’s hard to remember that when the ego (see episode 82) tends to personalize and internalize anything your child does. This is why you might have a meltdown when your child does, but not when somebody else’s child does. There may be some martyrdom tendencies at work here (see episodes 61-62) that are draining you as well! In this episode I’ll talk about how to stop riding the not-so-fun emotional roller-coaster with your kids. I’ll be drawing on the help of my friend Crystal’s AWESOME Instagram reel — https://www.instagram.com/reel/CP6k5WFH8do/ — and reading a few choice quotes. The goal with this episode in particular is to remind you that you are in control of yourself. That is the part of your situation that needs the most oversight and moderation. As you embody the calm, assertive pack leader energy we’ve talked about before, you will be ready to keep your cool through any tantrum. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

110: Asked and Answered

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 21 Jul 2021 00:01:37 -0400

This episode deals with a lot of subjects, but I’ll be focusing on a specific tool that you can use: the expression “asked and answered,” which is short form for “you’ve asked, and I’ve given my answer.” Now for an example: Suppose you’re in the checkout line at the store and your child wants a lollipop. They ask, you say no — but they keep asking and they keep whining and maybe even throw a tantrum, and then you’re embarrassed. And then you break. You say, “okay, fine. You can have a lollipop.” And what that child learns is: “all I need to do is create such a scene that Mom or Dad will finally give in.” When this happens, it doesn't mean your child is bad, manipulative, or sneaky. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with your child either! It means your child is smart, utilizing problem-solving skills in order to achieve a sweet objective: candy. We the parents are in our 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s, and WE like to get our own way in much bigger matters … so surely we can understand where they’re coming from. So, back to the checkout line: they ask for the lollipop, and you say no. They ask why, and you could justify your answer (but you don’t have to, and in this case it’s actually best that you don’t). OR you could respond, using your calm, assertive pack leader energy: “asked and answered.” As you practice this technique, you will achieve success in derailing many of your children’s petty demands through consistent application of calm, assertive pack leader energy. Tone is everything here. Don’t whine, don’t yell, be calm. You’re the one with the developed prefrontal cortex. Now, your child will often not be reasonable. They will still throw tantrums, and it may be over bigger things like extra screen time or staying out later with friends or borrowing the car. Do not throw a tantrum with them. Remember, when they’re feeling a really big emotion and going into the red, it’s the first time they’ve felt it strongly enough to lose control, possibly in conjunction with external negative stimuli like being hungry or tired. They are not giving you a hard time; they are having a hard time! As always, your job is to be the flight attendant keeping your first-time flyer on Big Emotion Airlines calm, and helping your children process their big emotions in a healthy way will prepare them for life. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

109: Please Stop, I Don’t Like That

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 14 Jul 2021 00:01:02 -0400

I’m always trying to think of things that worked in my classroom with 20 kids so they’ll scale down and work in your four walls. One thing that helped my 1st-graders was teaching them tangible words to stand up for themselves and be assertive. At the beginning of the year, we’d teach them to counter teasing, bullying, etc. with a polite but assertive “please stop, I don’t like that.” Why this phrase? First, this phrase is a valuable tool for small children who are just beginning to get a grasp of verbalizing their feelings. Teaching them “please stop, I don’t like that” will prevent a good number of peer disputes and tantrums before they even start. Second, a healthy society is founded on personal autonomy and mutually-respected boundaries. By teaching kids early on to voice a concern when something is causing them distress, we prepare them for grown-up life. We empower them to stand up for themselves at work, in public, in relationships, and in a multitude of other scenarios that (God forbid) can become abusive or toxic if all parties involved do not respect boundaries. We also teach them empathy for others, so when they get told “please stop, I don’t like that,” they’ll comply. The goal is helping all students be assertive with a Goldilocks balance; not too hot (no SCREAMING, no tantrums) and not too cold (no whining, no enabling the person doing the teasing). Just like we want to embody “calm, assertive pack leader energy,” we want our children to develop that energy early on. By empowering your children to turn their feelings into words and communicate with other people, you are giving them the tools they need to be successful throughout their lives. It is an incredible gift to give. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

108: Unicorns in Paris

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 07 Jul 2021 00:01:37 -0400

What if I told you there was a real unicorn in Paris you could visit? Well, hold your horses, because there isn’t really a unicorn in Paris! But for children, and not just young children, that might be totally believable. Why is that? A child’s mind is full of imagination and floats along to the whimsical tune of adventuring through a totally unexplored (to them) world, and it really seems magical to them. Their minds are impressionable and vulnerable, and can be easily made to believe in things grownups don’t believe in. This is a double-edged sword, because the mind that’s experiencing life for the first time, and all its wonderful magical sensations, is also experiencing tricky emotions for the first time. The “unicorn in Paris” bit is a reminder that when you are trying to help a child navigate their emotions, you are helping to mentor someone with an undeveloped, impressionable mind — and it’s not their fault, as it’s literally how they’re born and it won’t be developed until … it is. Reach into emotional adulthood. If you did not have help learning to navigate your own tricky emotions as a child, learn how to do it now so that you can be the person your child needs. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

107: The Flight Attendant

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 30 Jun 2021 00:01:02 -0400

Imagine you’re on a flight and the plane starts experiencing serious turbulence. How do you react? If the flight attendants are freaking out, you might also freak out — maybe even start calling people to say your last goodbyes! But if the flight attendants are calmly carrying out their tasks, you may be more inclined to be calm as well. Children are the same way around their parents and leaders. They need to be exposed to calm, assertive leadership methods so that they don’t freak out and go into the red zone (see episode 89). In my process of becoming a conscious parent, I had to learn to be calm, even when I felt like the situation was spiraling out of control, because my responses to any tiny problem that came up were the equivalent of POURING GAS on a FIRE for my kids’ emotional and psychological health. When I freaked out about little things, that made the little things into big things!! I’m in my forties and I STILL have a hard time with difficult emotions sometimes! It is TOTALLY NORMAL for a child to have a hard time, because it is their FIRST time! Conscious parenting techniques — practicing mind management, being conscious of your thoughts, accepting the as-is, not assuming malicious intent or irresponsibility when your child does something you do not like, and more — are going to be the key to staying calm and helping your children to stay calm during the “turbulence” you will experience. I encourage you to step up, accept the challenge to parent consciously, and be the flight attendant your child needs. You’ll help them, and you’ll help yourself as well! You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

106: The Five-Second Rule

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 23 Jun 2021 00:01:32 -0400

This week I thought I’d touch on a serious life hack that I use ALL the time. I’m amazed that we’re so far in and I haven’t shared this trick with you! Mel Robbins, who has a formidable skill set as a lawyer, journalist, and keynote speaker, gave a talk at the 2011 TEDx San Francisco called “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over” . The last couple minutes of her address deal with what she calls the “five-second rule” for self-motivation. Basically, it boils down to this: Every day we have strong impulses in our heart and soul to take action that disrupts our complacent misery and improves our lives — it could be getting out of bed right when the alarm rings for a workout, raising our hand to make an important suggestion in a business meeting, or just talking to somebody interesting at a party. When those impulses occur, we have about five seconds before the primitive brain engages safety measures and suppresses the thought. (Remember, the unconscious mind likes to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and maximize its efficiency at doing both). So how do you get out of the funk?! The key is to steel yourself to action by counting down, sort of like a rocket ship. You count: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 … and then you DO the thing that you should do, even if you don’t want to. I’m not gonna lie: it’s really hard to do this. The unconscious brain doesn’t want to work. It wants to keep you safe and comfortable. Once the unconscious mind is accustomed to its sad, boring routine, you’ll have to drag it kicking and screaming into the light by action, and the five-second rule is one such way to disrupt unhealthy patterns. But with time and practice, you can look ahead to the reward you will feel for making good on your impulse to action. As you apply the five-second rule, you’ll be able to loosen your unconscious mind’s grip on your life. You can remind yourself how good it will feel once you do The Thing your unconscious doesn’t want to do, and you will be accustomed to action. As you take steps to take control, the payout will be WELL worth it! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

105: Being a Friend to Yourself

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 16 Jun 2021 00:01:18 -0400

If you know me, you know I’m obsessed with ChapStick. It’s my FAVORITE lip balm. My dad used it all the time, I use it all the time, it’s great. (I promise there’s a point to this.) I recently discovered Graham Cracker flavor, which is my new favorite — but my family doesn’t get my obsession with ChapStick, and in fact, Grady is grossed out by the smell of Graham Cracker. But that doesn’t change how much I love it. They just don’t understand! Now, I want you to think of someone that you love and admire, whether it’s a friend, a family member, a spouse — and then I want you to think about someone outside of your close circle NOT liking that same person. If some person told me they didn’t like my sister or my dad or David or my kids, I’d be confused, and I’d have to say “you don’t know them like I do. You just don’t understand!” Now (okay, here’s the point) imagine that someone who has no tangible stake AT ALL in your life is angry with you or dislikes you. Should you feel something in terms of a reaction? And if so, how should you feel? When you cultivate self-love and practice a mindset that offers empathy, grace, and compassion, you’ll be the friend that you need — you can safely ignore opinions from people who don’t live within your walls and don’t know you like you know yourself. They just don’t understand! It’s hard work, but everything gets better with practice. So let’s practice together! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

104: Reality TV

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 09 Jun 2021 00:01:25 -0400

Do you ever start doing something different because there’s a possibility you’re being watched? I know I have. Recently I was thinking about an event early on in my conscious parenting journey. I was at a restaurant with my family and I saw an acquaintance (let’s call her Margaret). I impulsively began to play with Lily’s hair. Why did I do it? Was it to show off how connected I was to my daughter? And why did I care so much about the opinion of this woman who barely knew me? It’s interesting to note the ways in which our behavior can change based on who’s around to see it. Now, the road toward becoming a conscious parent is a long road! Following in this path requires that we all become acutely aware of our behaviors and the motivating factors behind them, and sometimes the Margarets in our lives, both real and imagined, can help with this. Early on in my conscious parenting journey, I developed a sort of life hack where I pretended I was on a reality TV series with cameras all over pointed at me. Is it weird? Maybe a little. But it also helped me pay attention to my behaviors, specifically in parenting. I constantly ask myself: what are my motivations for doing whatever I’m doing? This is not to say that you should be overly concerned with what other people think about your parenting style or your relationship with your children. In fact, as a general rule, you shouldn’t care! (See episodes 96 and 97 for more on this topic.) HOWEVER, the reality TV technique can jumpstart your mental focus, forcing you to get curious about your own behaviors and their motivations and be aware of what you must modify within yourself to become a better parent. As you develop confidence in your ability to be the mentor, the rational mind, and all the other things children need from adults, you can go from the reality TV mindset of “parent like everyone is watching” to “parent like no-one is watching.” You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

103: Boomerang Judgement

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 02 Jun 2021 00:01:54 -0400

You may be thinking, what’s with this title? I know “boomerang judgement” may sound weird to you, but hear me out! This is an important principle. Within Byron Katie’s coaching and healing regimen, which she calls The Work, she has a worksheet called “Judge Your Neighbor” where the coachee would describe a bothersome, annoying, or otherwise disturbing aspect of a close associate. For example, a coachee might write “Paul never listens” on their worksheet. (Paul may be their colleague, their student, their own child, or their spouse; everyone has a Paul in their life.) Afterward, the exercise asks for the coachee to write introspective inversions of the judgement. One might follow up the statement “Paul never listens” with “I never listen,” “I never listen to Paul,” “Paul DOES listen,” or “HOW does Paul listen?”, et cetera. A brain going about its normal business (seek pleasure, avoid pain, and maximize efficiency in doing both) without conscious guidance is unwilling to approach difficult emotions with nuance, and so these inverted statements may all be true but lie suffocated beneath the weight of “Paul never listens.” If we throw out a judgement, we must accept the possibility of a return, just like a boomerang returning after being thrown. Honest introspection is painful for the ego; we tend to find that if someone else’s actions bother us, it’s because we see similar behavior within ourselves. Fortunately, if I stop to think and honestly ask myself whether I’m also guilty of the thing I dislike in another person, then sometimes I learn that I am! It’s both humbling and empowering. Knowing that I’m both flawed and awesome (as is everyone) is an important lesson; it helps me extend grace and compassion to other people when they do things I don’t like, and it helps me have empathy for myself as I try to improve myself every day. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

102: Emotional Childhood

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 26 May 2021 00:01:59 -0400

As a follow-up to last week’s episode regarding imago theory and therapy, I wanted to talk a little bit about what Brooke Castillo calls “emotional childhood.” It’s the stage we’re in before we arrive at “emotional adulthood,” which is balanced, rational, guided by the prefrontal cortex and the conscious mind at all times. Incidentally, it’s also the state we will revert to given negative stimuli, if we are not practicing conscious thought. When I was teaching elementary school, I might sometimes see a student hitting another student, and when I confronted them, the response usually went to the tune of “well, they hit me first!” It seems wholly irrational, and yet I was able to exercise patience with the student and explain how our actions can hurt others. Even if the other student hit first, the reaction was wrong. Well, separating the ego is easy when it’s not your own child! Before I undertook the journey toward truly conscious living, if my kids would act out or do something I didn’t like, I’d react with a proportionately negative response. If they threw a tantrum, I threw a tantrum too. David saw the danger in this, but — like a child myself — I would say, “well, they did it first.” This was a regression, a reversion to that less evolved emotional state. Emotional adulthood demands that we, the adults, behave as adults — and that we offer grace and compassion to our children and to ourselves, because believe me, we’re all going to mess up. AND THAT’S OKAY. Everybody is learning, and we get to learn how to step into emotional adulthood together! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook! As you You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

101: Imago Therapy

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 19 May 2021 00:01:13 -0400

This week I thought I’d touch very briefly on a concept that helped me understand a LOT of things about my romantic relationships and my marriage to David. The “imago” relationship theory developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt appears in their joint-authored book “Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples,” and it’s been formally codified as IRT, Imago Relationship Therapy. The word “imago” is derived from the Latin for “image,” referring to the unconscious image of “similar love,” or love that recreates early childhood experiences. If people in love say to each other, “it’s like I’ve known you forever,” it’s because, in a way, they do. Hendrix and Hunt found that when people seek romantic partners, they unconsciously recreate their childhood scenarios and the relationship they had with their parents. This often leads to unconsciously attempting to fix in their present relationship the things that were lacking in their past as a child (see episode 78) — not necessarily because they enjoy being attracted to people who are like one or the other of their parents or caregivers, but because it’s familiar. As we recognize that our unconscious mind, informed by past relationships, is partially responsible for determining who we’re attracted to and why, we should both be aware and beware of unconscious roadblocks in our relationship path. I realized early on that if my siblings or friends suggested I do this or that thing, I could do it with no sweat — but if David asked me to do the same thing the same way, I felt reprimanded! I felt not-good-enough! It was like I was a child again, and it wasn’t even David’s doing! Says psychologist Carl Jung (and I’m loosely paraphrasing here), “until we know our unconscious mind, it will direct our life and we will call it fate.” Remember that what your parents said and did in their interactions with you and how they treated you was not a reflection of your worth but a projection of their own insecurities upon you (see episode 45). As you become aware of this and aware of your own imago dynamic in your relationship, you will be able to more clearly see and meet your own needs, which in turn will help you meet your spouse’s needs and your children’s needs. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

100: Getting Your Husband On Board

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 12 May 2021 00:01:58 -0400

Today marks our ONE-HUNDREDTH EPISODE! WOOOOOOOO! Parenting is an incredibly difficult task even under the best circumstances. I’m blessed to have the support of my husband David. Together, as we’ve adopted the conscious parenting model, we’ve been able to give more to parenting where it matters. We’re learning to accept the inevitable truth of our children eventually leaving home to be adults. We’re learning that our responsibility is to give them grace and compassion while their brains are developing. We’re learning to be realistic in our expectations as they learn LITERALLY EVERYTHING for the first time, including failing at it frequently (see previous episode). Most importantly, I believe, we’re learning to give ourselves the same abundance of kindness that we give our kids. We aren’t a perfect couple or perfect parents. We came to parenthood laden with baggage from growing up, as everyone does. We have had to learn about our and each other’s baggage. We’ve also had to unlearn many conscious and unconscious “parenting from fear and / or lack” behaviors rooted in our pasts. These behaviors hindered us in our divine stewardship as parents. They continue to hinder us, BUT it’s a lot easier now that we are CONSCIOUS of them. Join us on this historic occasion as David, normally a man of few words, speaks on his side of the parenting process. We’ll talk about the importance of mutual rapport between spouses and how together we support our kids as they grow. I know my podcast isn’t everybody’s cup of tea, so I hope that if you’re trying to parent consciously, this second perspective can help win your spouse to your cause. And believe me, it’s worth all the effort if you can. Team work makes the dream work! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

099: Failing Forward

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 05 May 2021 00:30:44 -0400

Is it bad to fail at something? Does it mean anything about us or about or worthiness or good-enough-ness? The answer to these questions is a resounding NO, and I want to talk about how failure is an important process you should be undergoing on the regular. As children in our natural developmental process, we try to walk, talk, eat, play sports or musical instruments, and so on. We generally fail the first few times — the first MANY times, actually. But eventually, with careful guidance from our parents, mentors, teachers, and coaches, we start to understand how to accomplish The Task, whatever The Task is, and we slowly get better at doing it. We never stop failing, we just fail less and less. It’s odd, then, that as adults most people are terrified of failure. In my own life, I notice that my own apprehension about not being able to do The Task is what sabotages my ability to perform The Task, and in fact that’s how it is for many people. Creativity especially suffers; I spent two years agonizing over whether to begin my podcast before I finally started. In this episode, I’ll discuss why it’s important to fail as part of the process of growth and why children need to fail. I’ll touch on what many great minds including Brené Brown, Brooke Castillo, and Sara Blakely have to say about reframing the meaning of failure. Last but certainly not least, I’ll remind you why it’s okay for YOU to fail. In this giant podcast family, we support each other and give each other (and ourselves) a heaping serving of grace and compassion. Failure doesn’t need to mean regression. It’s part of the path FORWARD, and we’re all on that path together. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

098: Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 28 Apr 2021 00:30:14 -0400

Do you ever feel like you don’t measure up to the ideal? What can you do about that? The axiom “comparison is the thief of joy” is attributed to Theodore Roosevelt. Regardless of its origin, it rings true for me and many other parents struggling to cultivate harmony in the home. When I was just beginning my parent journey, I compared my circumstances and my children to those of other parents far too often. I often used others’ successes in home and family life as a measuring stick. When I didn’t measure up, I whipped myself with that stick. (In this episode, I’ll talk about why this is always the WRONG reaction.) Iyanla Vanzant says: “Comparison is an act of violence against the self. It also leads to judgments and jealousy of those we deem “better off” than we are.” Iyanla is spot-on here. Not only can our habit of comparing ourselves make us feel inferior, it can cause cankers of resentment to fester in our soul as our self-flagellation for not being “good enough” leads us down the familiar road to a martyrdom complex. The long and the short of it: stop whipping yourself with your measuring stick! Instead, focus on giving yourself grace and compassion to do your personal best. This includes making mistakes along the way! As you do this, you will regain the joy you have lost to endless comparisons. My favorite coaches and teachers who pushed me the furthest toward excellence were kind and compassionate to me. As you take care of yourself and speak kindly to yourself the way a good teacher or coach would do, you will feel refreshed and liberated, and you’ll discover that you have always measured up. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

097: How to Stop People-Pleasing

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 21 Apr 2021 00:01:13 -0400

text Last week, we talked about how other people’s opinions of you are basically always their opinions about themselves, projected onto you. This episode is the natural follow-up to that one. We all know at least one “people-pleaser” in our life: somebody who’s spread themselves just a little too thin between work, their kids’ extracurricular activities, the PTA, their church and community groups, and so on. Maybe YOU’RE the people-pleaser in your circle. The condition of people-pleasing is a result of seeking substantial emotional connections unmet in childhood. It’s natural, just like the brain’s threefold tendency to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and maximize its efficiency in doing so. It doesn’t mean that you’re irreparably broken or a bad person. What it does mean is that you have a special opportunity to learn to internalize your self-worth and set boundaries so you are giving the people closest to you the BEST of you instead of the REST of you. In this episode, I’ll talk about meaningful steps you can take to break yourself of people-pleasing and codependent attachment, and (perhaps more importantly) I’ll talk about modeling healthy emotional behavior for your children so they can have what you might not have had. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

096: Other People’s Opinions

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 14 Apr 2021 00:30:05 -0400

How important is an opinion? Specifically, how important is an opinion about YOU? Some questions that come up a lot with my clients include: what do other people think about me? Am I good enough? Am I worthy? So this brings up an excellent question: why the fixation on other people’s opinions? Now, before we even begin, let’s get one thing clear: the vast majority of people are not silently judging you. They are worried about what YOU think of THEM. That’s just how everybody is. So WHY is that the case? In this episode, I’ll talk about the psychology of wanting to belong in the “in group”, the ways developmental trauma conditions us to look for external validation rather than internal motivation, and how as adults, we can exercise the mental muscle of spending our emotional energy worrying about what’s really important. Hint: what’s really important is NOT what other people think about you - not even your parents. (GASP!) In addition, I’ll talk about the specific times and situations where you SHOULD care about other people’s opinions, and how to open a healthy, engaging dialogue with your partner, kids, and other important family members so you can have grace and compassion with each other as you grow together. Here’s a link to the Wu Wei Wisdom Source video I reference in the episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uACgIJGrLPg Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

095: Your Relationship With Your Body

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 07 Apr 2021 00:01:00 -0400

What’s in a friend? On social media I asked you about what attributes you look for in a friend. The biggest responses were LOYAL and HONEST. That’s no surprise. We have a natural instinct to surround ourselves with people who value us and tell the truth. In this episode, I want to encourage you to cultivate just such a friendship with your body. Now, Byron Katie’s concept of loving “what is” applies here: as you come to love and accept your body, any changes you choose to make for your mental and physical health will be motivated in caring for your body rather than hating it. Like last episode, I’ll be referring frequently to Brooke Castillo’s CTFAR model. Circumstances are the “as-is”, the objective reality from which your thoughts, feelings, actions, and results stem. The circumstances are what they are - but you have the privilege to choose your reaction. Take the reins. Here is the link to all the goodies you need to dive into the A line, action. Message me and say “I’m in” and you can join our group to focus on the T line of the model with me for results to feel comfortable in your own skin. https://tinyurl.com/ALineOfTheModel Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

094: Why You’re Not Losing Weight

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 31 Mar 2021 00:01:43 -0400

In 2013, things were not great in Kelly land. I felt like I had lost my mojo. I felt stuck at the time. To be fair, there were a lot of stressors in my life: we were living in a house with a mold problem - we’re talking so much mold that living there was unsafe! - we were briefly homeless because of it, David didn’t like his job, my mom had a 15-pound tumor. Anyway, it was not great. As I began to sink into despair for our family’s woes, I started to get very out of shape. I’m not just saying that, either. I was going to McDonald’s and getting a hot caramel sundae with extra nuts, a small fry, and a large Diet Coke and I was doing this order not one but TWO or even THREE times a day. I was so embarrassed thinking about the workers seeing me that I would drive to a different McDonald’s restaurant each time. It came to a head when I was in the drive-through with Lily in the back seat, and she said “next window please” right in time with the cashier saying “next window please.” We had been to McDonald’s so many times that my child knew the cadence of buying food. I knew things had to change. I said to myself, I can't control what's happening outside of us, but I CAN control how I move my body, what I put in my body, and how I treat my body. That's one thing I can control when everything else is out of control. As I started on the grueling journey up and out of my bad habits, I felt my excitement and passion for life return. I felt my dormant inner athlete come out. I felt like my inner child was being excited again, and I felt more zest for life overall. So I started helping people to lose weight, and that's how I started off in this journey of life coaching. In this episode, I’ll explain a bit more about my process in terms of Brooke Castillo’s CTFAR model, which applies to any goal you intend to set, and the mission-critical mindset of mindfulness and persistence in your efforts to attain your goal. The circumstances are what they are - but your thoughts, feelings, and actions are a DRASTIC influence on the result you obtain. Here is my diet supplement that helps me with my A-line in the model: https://tinyurl.com/ALineOfTheModel Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

093: H. A. L. T.

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 24 Mar 2021 00:01:06 -0400

Would you like to help your kids stay clear of the dreaded red zone? Would you like to spend less time there yourself? Try HALTing! People in addiction recovery learn the acronym H. A. L. T. to identify four triggers that exacerbate their cravings: hungry, angry, lonely, tired. The word “halt” literally means “to come to an abrupt stop,” and taking a quick personal H. A. L. T. inventory does just that: with practice, it can be used to derail your child’s temper tantrum train. The ingenuity of H. A. L. T. is that these four simple descriptors account for a vast swath of negative human emotion. (Sometimes they don’t, but I’ll talk about that in this episode!) My point is that giving our kids words to describe their tricky emotions allows them to understand WHY they feel the way they do. It also helps them develop habits of healthy emotional management. Remember: if you can name it, you can tame it. As you arm the people in your four walls with emotional knowledge, and as you continue to give yourself and others grace and compassion, you’ll be able to make sense of tricky emotions together. If my family and I can do it, you can do it too! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

092: R. A. K. Away

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 17 Mar 2021 00:01:24 -0400

When I was unconscious — I mean, before I began my inner work of mind management and conscious parenting — the kindness (or lack thereof) of my kids was a big trigger for me. David and I decided to find ways to quietly, anonymously do service to others in the outside world and even within the walls of our home in order to teach them how to have an attitude of kindness. Now, don’t get me wrong, kindness is still very important to me! But I had an exacting standard of behavior for my kids that even I as an adult couldn’t adhere to. That’s nutty nuts! Perfectionism is one of the most pernicious traps parents can fall into. Mommy guilt is a double dip of not-fun, because you get upset that your kids aren’t doing the thing (whatever the thing is), and then you get upset at yourself for getting upset. That’s no bueno. So anyway, back to random acts of kindness. The intention was to teach our kids to be kind, and that worked — but in the end, WE learned to be kind as well. And we had little accountability partners to remind us to show kindness. Children are always watching, for better or for worse! In this episode, I’ll read some of your social media responses, which I hope will inspire you and other listeners to take action and try doing something kind for another person today. As you manifest grace and compassion towards other people outside your four walls, you will see the results within as well. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

091: Calzone and Coke

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 10 Mar 2021 00:01:45 -0500

I’ve noticed that there are two main groups into which all people fall in terms of handling tricky emotions: calzone people and Coke people. Allow me to explain. First, there are calzone people, who hold in their emotions and suffer their grievances in silence until at last, all their metaphorical cheese and tomato sauce comes running out in a flood of tears. Then there are Coke people, who are like bottles of soda that keep getting shaken. Their fizzy agitation and anger is easily visible, and their anger ramps up to a show-stopping explosion. Chances are if you have multiple kids, you have at least one of each kind. As always, we have a conundrum on our hands. How do we approach helping kids with different personalities process their emotions? Feeling my tricky emotions is hard for me, and I’m 46! I HAVE strategies to deal with feeling the feelings! And as we’ve talked about in prior episodes, our kids simply aren’t as far along as we are in this regard. It’s illogical for us as parents to expect adult-like behavior out of our children, who are very much children in body, mind, and spirit. And it’s mission-critical that you approach your own tricky emotions with as much grace and compassion as you do when your kids manifest them. In this episode, I’ll help you suss out what kind of personality you have, talk to your kids and yourself about your emotions, and help you remember (as always) that it’s okay to feel those tricky emotions, whether you’re 4 or 46. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

090: Toothpaste Words

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 03 Mar 2021 00:01:06 -0500

Everybody knows this phrase: “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We push this idea for children to say in order to not cede emotional control to a bully, but the simple truth is that words DO hurt. When I was an elementary school teacher and counselor, I did an exercise I call “toothpaste words” to demonstrate this principle. The origin escapes me, but I have used it many times. It goes something like this: I had a funny-looking puppet and a paper heart representing the puppet’s emotions. I would have my students come up to the front of the classroom one by one to say mean things about the puppet’s glasses or dress and squeeze a little toothpaste from a tube onto the paper heart. Then, when everyone was finished, I would say, “okay, now we are going to fix those hurtful things by complimenting the puppet and we’ll put the toothpaste back in the tube!” Of course, it was impossible to put all the toothpaste back into the tube. Unkind words or actions leave a lasting mark in real life, too. The primary application is to teach children empathy by helping them understand the ways in which their behavior affects other people. It’s an engaging visual presentation that you can refer to again and again; saying “those are toothpaste words” will elicit a stronger empathetic response than just saying “that’s naughty.” But your children may also call you out for your own toothpaste words and actions. If you are willing to set aside your own ego, you will learn from this experience as much as they do.

089: Red Light Green Light

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 24 Feb 2021 00:01:05 -0500

Before I dive in, a little thing that’s been on my mind recently. I’ve noticed that when I have a question or am looking for a solution to an issue in my life, it helps to sit in on a coaching session where a coach is assisting another parent with a similar difficulty. I’m thinking about setting up an online space where we can all meet together and learn from each other, and I’ll mention that in this episode. Let me know what you think! Now, on to the main event: I often refer to various levels of emotion using a name borrowed from a children’s game, “red light green light.” “Green light” is status quo, “red light” is the red zone (whether sadness and sulking or anger and rage), and there’s a broad swath of in-between emotions I call “yellow light.” In this episode, I’ll talk about some strategies I employ which have helped my children and students get from “yellow light” back into “green light.” I’ll talk about ways in which my children help ME go from “yellow light” to “green light.” Most importantly, I’ll talk about how we can help our children perceive, understand, and manage their own emotions. Everybody has to start from zero, and if you weren’t taught these things, it’s extra hard for you because you’re trying to learn and teach at the same time. But I know you can do it, because I have done it, and we are much more alike than you think! Modeling and explaining healthy responses to emotional stimuli is important, and even more important is normalizing feeling all kinds of emotions. Emotionally healthy children are not always happy. This aspect of parenting is mission-critical: your children need to know that they are allowed to feel all the feelings, and nothing has gone wrong. And don’t worry. With practice, you’ll get there. I’m getting there too. We’re all in this together! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

088: Breaking Up With a Toxic Friend

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 17 Feb 2021 00:01:05 -0500

Last week, I asked you all over social media: what are some traits of a toxic friendship or relationship? I got answers from “feeling drained all the time” to “feeling anxiety” to “thinking about the relationship takes away from family time.” A toxic interpersonal relationship in any form is a massive drain on body and spirit, and it’s often necessary to set boundaries for your own sanity. This episode is about breaking up with a very specific toxic friend that almost all of us have. This friend is constantly by our side, demanding that we give them our attention. Our friend bothers us when we should be working, spending time with our family, or even sleeping! This friend is a massive vortex draining us of productivity, and we need to set some boundaries. So I’ll be teaching you how to break up with (some of you may have already guessed) your cell phone! I felt like I had my cell phone usage habits under control - and then 2020 happened, and everything went to pieces! So I have a goal to crack down on this particular toxic friendship, and I’m inviting you to join me as together, we employ several strategies (which I’ll talk about in this episode) in order to relegate the phone to its proper position as a tool to be used, not a master to control us. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

087: Big Emotions Part 2 – Examples

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 10 Feb 2021 00:01:00 -0500

Last week, we discussed what happens when our kids have big emotions. This week, we’ll talk about some examples from my life (that I share with my children’s permission) about how David and I helped our children work through strongly emotional moments. As you develop grace and compassion for your child, you will be easier on yourself, and vice-versa. When your child feels a big emotion with a cause that seems inconsequential or petty to you, remember that they have to experience the whole range of human emotion for the first time, and sometimes feelings are overwhelming. Remember that this emotion is proportionate to their age and stage in development. Above all, remember that IT’S NOT PERSONAL, and your child is merely having a hard time, not giving you a hard time. Become a mentor, not a martyr. This week, I’ll also share some strategies to practice during calm times that can help your child regain emotional control during a meltdown. Having big emotions, whether at age 2 or age 42, is hard. But we can do hard things. I am rooting for you! :) Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

086: Managing Big Emotions

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 03 Feb 2021 00:30:16 -0500

How do we help our children manage big emotions? I recently helped Grady with homework. This boy is multiplying triple-digit numbers by triple digit numbers. I marveled at his skill with multiplication. It didn't come naturally to him; he had to learn by trial and error, and nobody got mad at him when he didn't know how to multiply big numbers. Now, here's the parallel. Our children experience the exact same ENORMOUS gamut of human emotions we experience, and they don't have any strategies for dealing with their emotion. Imagine experiencing huge emotions, but not having the strategies you've developed in nearly 30 years of life! It would be BRUTAL. As parents, we have the opportunity and the duty to exercise grace and compassion as we teach our children how to manage big emotions. Now, that's not to say we want to remove emotion! If you've read the book or seen either film of The Stepford Wives, you know about the perfect housewives of Stepford. We do not want that in our children. We want them to have emotions — ALL emotions — but we want them to be able to process their emotions in a healthy way. So hit play and let's dive in! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

085: Complimenting Yourself

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 27 Jan 2021 01:00:24 -0500

This episode is a doozy. I want to start off by letting you know that I know how hard you are on yourself — because I used to be super hard on myself. I always said “I’m not good enough,” first with infertility and then with my struggles raising my kids. That translated into being super hard on them, and pretty hard on David as well. Not so good! I discuss parents being hard on themselves as I do all approaches in parenting, with the sage words of Dr. Phil: “how is that working for you?” Chances are you aren’t happy and neither is your family. If that’s the case, maybe it’s time to try another approach. Now, a lot of you received negative messages from your parents when you were growing up. Remember, those messages were not factually true. The way that your parents thought about themselves was projected onto you. Once you get that, once you break yourself of the cognitive distortion of “I’m not good enough” that warps your view of objective reality, then you can step into emotional adulthood. Then, you can say, “if my parents’ opinion of themselves was projected onto me, that means my opinion of myself today is what I'm going to project onto my kids!” The way that you talk to your kids and your spouse is actually an insight into how you talk to yourself. When you clean up the way you talk to yourself, guess what happens? You clean up the way you talk to your family. I promise that as you dedicate time to listen to your mind, identify the thoughts of fear and lack, and gently remind your inner child that you are good enough, you will see that you have the grace and compassion you need for yourself. And as you love yourself, you will succeed as a spouse and as a parent. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

084: Complimenting Your Kids

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 20 Jan 2021 00:01:58 -0500

Looking back on my teaching experience, one thing that really worked well in the classroom was giving thoughtful compliments to the students. When I complimented my students, I always tried to make it about the character trait that I wanted to see more of from them. I also made a point of helping them recognize that doing good made them feel good on the inside. Tony Robbins says, “energy flows where focus goes.” This is the key to observing and reacting to your children’s behavior. I have what I call the three Bs, which refer to children and the attention they receive from adults (mostly parents, but also teachers and others). If kids receive a message, whether verbal or nonverbal, they will go through a long-term process where they (1) be aware of it, (2) believe it, and (3) become it. Now, if you're focusing on what your kids are doing wrong, which your brain will already do on its own without any mind management (and mind you, my brain goes there all the time!), then you’ll get a cycle of kids becoming aware that you perceive them as “wrong” or “bad,” believing it, and then becoming more “bad”! The implications of this are limitless. We should be laser-focusing on the good things children do and encouraging them to cultivate good traits. What I try to help with you on this podcast is focusing on what they're doing right, versus what they're not doing right. Whatever you focus on, you're going to get more of that. It's true with anything, especially kids. As you focus on the good your children do and compliment them in a consistent manner, you will be able to help them cultivate their inner voice that enjoys being good and doing good. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

083: Understanding Your Parents’ Journey

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 13 Jan 2021 00:01:55 -0500

Why would you want to understand your parents? I often say that you get two phases of participating in the parent-child relationship dynamic: once as the child, and once as the parent. On the first time around, we have a very simple view of the world and we soak up information and experiences, and that informs our experience the second time around. As we become conscious of our behavior as parents, we become conscious of the experiences that formed our parents, and vice versa. Parents have an unfortunate habit of deriving their internal value from the behavior of their children, for example: “I am a good parent if my child is a straight-A student.” This is not a good mindset for many reasons, mainly because deriving internal value from external circumstances is a recipe for feeling like a failure, but also because by playing that game, you are failing to recognize the particular needs and individual spirit and agency of your child! Now, a tangent. It’s worth noting that for many listeners, childhood was a source of pain at the hands of neglectful or abusive parents. First: this was NOT your fault in any way. You did no wrong and you did not deserve what you received, for it was their own feelings of lack and fear and unworthiness projected onto you. Now, knowing this, it is helpful to understand their motivations for your own learning and development. Note that the word is “understand,” NOT condone nor forgive; accountability is a part of growing up. But understanding the “why” behind hurtful and harmful behavior is key in order to become conscious of our own potential for traumatizing our children by reenacting those terrible things that shaped us. The key is leveling with our own ever-present potential for doing both good and bad in order to learn from our parents’ lives and thus avoid making their mistakes. Now that you are in the adult role in the dynamic, the onus is upon you to take the steps that must be taken to grow and heal, and to be good to your child. Remember that parenthood has huge ups and downs. Many days will be B-minus days. But as you come to accept what is and make peace with yourself and the past, you will heal, you will feel like a better parent, and your children will be better because of it. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

082: Understanding Your Ego

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 06 Jan 2021 00:01:31 -0500

Our dog Maggie is incredibly protective! When she detects a strange person (like the Amazon delivery person, for example), she goes on high alert. THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG! This is (sometimes) endearing with pets, but less so when our own brain does this. Let me explain. The ego is part of the inner Self. It’s usually formed at a young age. It carries around a lot of weight. Sometimes our perception of our person-ness, our worthiness, is not great. This distorted version of reality might’ve come from school, peers, or our parents, but in any case, it’s not aligned with objective truth. When we undertake any difficult work - a diet, therapy, anything that involves real change - the brain goes into protective Maggie mode and says SOMETHING IS WRONG! You don’t want to be vulnerable, because you could get hurt, right? And you want to wait for the ego to calm down before you start trying to do hard stuff, right? Wrong and wrong! Listen, here’s a secret. Your ego is never going to go away. It’s part of you, and as a human being you are designed to protect yourself from harm and mitigate risk. The ego actually does do a pretty good job when it’s not sabotaging the things you WANT to do. As always, the key to understanding yourself and finding fulfillment is having grace and compassion for yourself. And when you’re trying to do a hard thing and the ego flares up … do the hard thing anyway. ;) 2021 Oola goal sheet: https://tinyurl.com/GoalsForNextYear2021 Our viral TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJtB8Qsg/ Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

081: Goal-Setting in 2021

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 30 Dec 2020 00:01:04 -0500

As 2020 draws to a close, I’ve been reflecting on all the wild things that have happened this year! One fun twist to this unprecedented year happened just a couple weeks ago. My editor posted a video to TikTok where he reacts to my description of how unhealed childhood trauma manifests. That video has now been viewed 241 THOUSAND times, and it’s brought new listenership to the podcast! How wild is that?! Over a thousand people have also made side-by-side reactions to this video. The put-a-finger-down reactions of many viewers lead me to believe that the takeaway is, look at all the possible ways in which people are broken. To listeners both old and new: you had the childhood that you needed to grow. - Now first off, I cannot stress enough the reality of bad situations. Neglectful, abusive, and purposefully mean parents and guardians exist. Horrible things happen to people who don’t deserve it. Let’s unpack what I mean when I say your childhood was “the childhood you needed.” Know that you are NOT broken. Know that everything in your past, whether good or bad, has been done. Make peace with that. Loving “what is,” as I say when quoting Byron Katie, begins with acknowledging all the things we cannot change. The universe has dealt you the hand you have, and you are not EVER to blame for other people's hurtful actions. Fortunately, the future is much brighter. As you become conscious of your wounded inner child, the power to move forward is in your hands. Your childhood memories and experiences, no matter how beautiful or terrible they were, are the tools you need AT PRESENT to move forward, heal, grow, and live a conscious life, so that the wrongs of the past are not repeated. Eventually, we must all individually level with the responsibility of attending to our own lives. That means a lot of things: getting professional therapy(!!!), talking to a life coach, or maybe even just going to bed at a consistent hour. That responsibility includes learning from the entirety of our childhood. It also includes setting goals and growing! This year, I invite you to join me in setting goals for the seven Fs of Oola: Fitness, Finance, Family, Field, Faith, Friends, and Fun. I’ve linked you to a goal sheet you can fill out. Reach out to me at coachingkelly@aol.com to get my address, send me your goals for 2021, and I’ll hold onto them for a year and mail them back to you at the end of next December so you can look back and calibrate your vision for the next year! 2021 Oola goal sheet: https://tinyurl.com/GoalsForNextYear2021 Our viral TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@msld_sound/video/6903609484506172678 Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

080: Technology for Toddlers and Teens

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 23 Dec 2020 00:01:18 -0500

Technology surrounds us. Everyone has to have a phone so parents can keep track of their children, video game systems are everywhere - and with the pandemic, tablets and computers now play a major role in our kids’ education. Many parents are confused as to what the correct amount of screen time is for their children. Well, I’m here to demystify that for you, because I asked all the experts and pediatricians and made polls in parenting groups and asked a bunch of you. Guess what transcendent truth I uncovered? I know EXACTLY how much screen time kids can have, by age. Here it is. Are you ready? The correct amount of screen time … will vary from child to child! Ha! Gotcha, didn’t I?! But it’s true, you and you alone have that stewardship, that responsibility, to determine what works for your kids. The thing is, everybody’s “Goldilocks” style of parenting tailored to the needs of their kid(s) will look different. You have to (you GET to) choose how much time your kids are on devices, and you should love your reason for it or make whatever modifications you feel are necessary. You get to choose whether and how extra time is given. You get to choose SO. MANY. THINGS. Moral agency for parents AND children is the power to experiment (and even make mistakes sometimes). It's a gift, so don’t waste it. :) Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

079: Personal Development for Kids

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 16 Dec 2020 00:01:21 -0500

I recently cleaned out my closet. I donated and threw out years’ worth of buildup. All those clothes, personal effects, and trinkets that were causing me stress are (for the time being) under control! And WOW, it feels great. Life can be like that too. We get buried under tasks and appointments and literal physical stuff just like in my closet. If we don’t know how to get out from under the pile, it’s scary. Now, I like to think of life as a school, an opportunity for me to become the best “me” I can be. My husband, my kids, everybody gets an opportunity to learn and grow. And luckily, lots of people have taken this test before, and they’re giving us their notes. What causes you agita? What stresses you out? There’s a book out there for that! And that’s because that author went on that journey and dealt with that struggle, and they know how to get their “closet” in order. One of the greatest gifts we can give to our children is our example. I read self-help and personal development literature, and then I encourage my children to read books in the same genre that are appropriate for their age and will teach them lifelong lessons. In this episode, I’ll discuss how I’ve incentivized reading to help my kids grow and become the best “them” they can be. Remember, the best way to teach your child a behavior or help them develop a trait is to model it yourself. This is especially true in reading books. I get distracted. I procrastinate. But I still do it, and you can too! You’ve got this! ALL THE LINKS! https://tinyurl.com/PDBooksKellyRecommends4Adults https://tinyurl.com/PDForPrimaryKiddies https://tinyurl.com/PDForIntermediateKiddies https://tinyurl.com/PDContractSample https://tinyurl.com/PDForTweensAndTeens Remember, it's okay to be B- at parenting. The real grade is how much you love your children, and no report card can show that. You've got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

078: Healing Old Wounds in Current Time

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 09 Dec 2020 00:01:51 -0500

If you’ve ever felt the need to yell at your child over what your rational mind knows is something totally inconsequential, if you’ve had strong urges to “fix” something you dislike about your partner, or if you often feel like you didn’t get the childhood or the parents you needed to be successful, your mind is trying to heal wounds from your past in the now. We begin our lives as children, and our brains are little blank slates. We observe the way our parents interact with each other and with us. As we grow and mature into adults, we look for interpersonal connections, whether friendships, work environments, or romantic relationships, that mirror what our unconscious minds thought was “natural” or “normal” in our household. Being drawn towards narcissists or abusers is not something to beat yourself up over! It is part of your suffering, and there is no growth without suffering. However, you owe it to your future self, and to those around you, to become aware of those parts of your unconscious that draw you to bad people and bad situations and bad people, and to heal them outside of relationships. Having a spouse or a baby is not going to fix your problems. And if, heaven forbid, you realize that you are the yeller or the name-caller or the spanker that you swore you would never be, your job is to become aware of whatever it is in your past that triggers bad behavior in you, and then to decondition yourself so you can ALWAYS respond with reason, love, and compassion to your triggers. This is hard work, but it’s worth it. I promise. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

077: Setting Boundaries

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 00:01:14 -0500

We all have people in our lives, whether acquaintances, friends, or family, who (usually unwittingly) drain our batteries. One person is overbearing, one family member takes everything personally, somebody else wants to call you five times a week, or maybe even five times a day! It’s rough stuff! So, on my social media I asked you all what you find difficult about setting boundaries. Unsurprisingly, most people said the hardest part is that you don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. That’s a genuine reason to be concerned … and here’s why you should do it anyway. Personal autonomy and healthy interpersonal relationships are established around a framework of consent. I establish expectations (no smoking, no talking politics, et cetera). I allow people to be in my spaces. And then if they do something bad, it’s my right and prerogative to say no no, we’re not going to do this, and ask them to conform to the boundary or step outside. Boundaries create a sense of honesty and clarity within any interpersonal relationship. If you are a people-pleaser, as I am, you may have trouble establishing boundaries. But remember, you can’t get everybody to like you. It’s impossible. And even if it could be done, you don’t WANT everybody to like you. There are people that don't like peaches, and it doesn't mean there's something wrong with the peach, it just means those people don't like peaches. Not all shoes fit, not all shoes match your outfit. You owe it to yourself and to the people with whom you interact to be authentic and honest. Now, grown people may feel hurt or offended if you ask for space, but remember that just as you are in control of your thoughts, they are in control of theirs. If you come from kindness as you establish boundaries, you are in the right. As you lovingly establish and uphold boundaries, you will be able to be yourself, and that is the greatest gift you can give your nearest and dearest within your four walls. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

076: Learned Helplessness

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 25 Nov 2020 00:01:18 -0500

In the 1960s, Martin Seligman, PhD, and Steven Maier, PhD, made an important discovery during psychological experiments with animals. A behavior they called “learned helplessness” manifests when an animal (or a person) continuously faces a negative, seemingly uncontrollable situation, and stops trying to change their circumstances even when they have the ability to do so. The prefrontal cortex, the “evolved brain,” is responsible for reason and rational decision-making, and it relays instructions to the back and bottom of the brain, the places of reflex and habit. If the “ancient brain” is not aware that it does have some control in a negative situation, it will fail to do its job, and if this happens regularly, its malfunction will become a habit that evades control if the brain’s owner is not conscious of it. Parents often attach themselves to their children and become codependent, unconsciously hindering their child’s necessary development of independence and autonomy in order to satiate their inner child’s unmet need to feel loved and needed. Children are susceptible to learned helplessness in sports or academics, especially with a codependent parent. After several instances of hardship, and especially after receiving negative responses from parents, they may take an apathetic or negative stance toward the pursuit of excellence. As parents, our task of raising kids is like gardening. We nourish our precious plants with water and nutrients, but we can’t grow for them. Sooner or later, they need independence. Ours is the privilege and responsibility to cultivate (first in ourselves and then in our children) a sense of Self and self-worth that transcends earthly achievements. Your children need to know that you would love them even if they got straight Fs. As you learn to derive your sense of purpose from your own internal self-worth, and as you teach your children to value themselves and cultivate self-worth, you will find that life gets a lot more joyful. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

075: Healing Your Inner Child

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 18 Nov 2020 00:01:03 -0500

In this episode, I’ll dive into the concept of the “inner child” that resides within each of us. A child is living their life in realtime, but within every adult resides a little version of themselves, a child with specific unmet emotional needs in need of healing. Nicole LePera talks about three steps to healing your inner child: ACKNOWLEDGE your inner child’s pain and trauma, USE your triggers as a guide to your emotional childhood, and ASK your inner child what they need from you to heal. First: acknowledgement. In episode 45, “Your Parents Lied to You,” I discuss how in every aspect — the way your parents thought about you and said about you, how they talked to you, how they showed (or didn’t show) love — their relationship to you was an outward projection of their own self-image. In one way or another, everyone has sustained emotional trauma from their childhood. As you recognize that you are not exempt from this axiom, you will be able to begin to heal and hopefully traumatize your children less. Second: use your triggers as a guide. Brooke Castillo calls our broken ego absent a healthy internal guide to processing emotions an “emotional childhood.” That guide is developed by exposing yourself to circumstances that trigger your emotional response and then retaining your maturity despite these triggers. On the grand scale of catastrophic events, Dr. LePera says getting furious about her spouse’s undone dishes was an irrational response rooted in unresolved trauma. If we can say that of another adult’s foibles, we should be so much more forgiving if our children make mistakes! You may lose your temper when your child forgets a library book, yelling almost to the point of blacking out. (Recognize that, again, this is an inappropriate response to a child’s behavior.) First, become conscious after you’ve been triggered. Observe yourself carefully. Plan ahead to rein in your reactions. Second, become conscious of the trigger while it’s happening, and check yourself immediately. Finally, after much practice, you will become conscious of a potential trigger before it’s happened. The goal is not to eliminate triggers, but to develop the emotional resilience to respond positively to triggers. Third: ask your inner child what they need from you to heal. Tell your inner child, “now you're acknowledged. Now you're seen, now you're heard, now you're valued. I'm giving that responsibility to us.” I used to live in “emotional childhood,” and I was always super sensitive. But by affirming myself and showing kindness to my inner child, I have given her the grace and compassion that she needed and wanted when she was younger, and in turn I can give that to my kids. Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel adequate to the task. Parents don’t intentionally hurt their kids, they just don’t have the tools they themselves need. But start learning that emotional literacy so you can tell your kids: “I'm going to make sure you feel valued, make sure you feel seen, make sure you feel heard.” If you didn't get it when you were growing up, the best way to heal that is to give it to your children now. Your child is here to remind you about your inner child. They are here to teach you where you need to grow, if you’re open to it. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

074: Bids For Connection

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 11 Nov 2020 00:01:30 -0500

I’d like to talk about bids. No, I’m not talking about an auction! I’m talking about a frequent occurrence in your interpersonal relationships! The Gottman Institute defines a bid as “any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection.” Bids can be as simple as eye contact or a smile, but can also take the form of asking for advice or help, or may even manifest by the bidder overtly asking for attention. Gottman Institute also says: “in the healthiest relationships, both partners are comfortable making all kinds of bids.” And while the verbiage in this concept of bids tends to denote romantic partnerships, your children will do the same thing, and it’s the parents’ job to figure out how to answer the children’s bids and connect with them. One key to a successful spouse-spouse or parent-child relationship lies in making that connection because as we talked about in episode 72, making connections that match your partner’s or child’s love language will make a greater “deposit” into their “bank account.” Do they need quality time? Read with them. Do acts of service mean more? Empty the dishwasher together. Is physical touch important? Hold their hand while you walk together. Grown-ups are children in adult bodies. Our fundamental needs don’t change! As you learn to meet these bids from your kids, you’ll connect more with your spouse, and vice-versa. And vulnerability breeds vulnerability, so you’ll get more connection, more community, and more love.More on John Gottman’s theory of bids: https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/ Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

073: Getting It All Done

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 04 Nov 2020 00:01:08 -0500

I get a lot of emails from people who are drained and frazzled, exhausted and overwhelmed, feeling anything but capable of taking on life. People can feel like they’re trying to run on a treadmill that’s going too fast for them. And I get it! I have those moments sometimes — not nearly as often as I used to, but I still have them! The question is: how do we get up to speed on the treadmill? I’ve noticed in my own life that when I feel the drain, I’m either not devoting myself enough or devoting myself too much to one aspect of my life. I have found that Dave Braun and Troy Amdahl’s Oola method is particularly effective for me. The key lies in balancing seven critical aspects of personal life, the 7 Fs: Fitness, Finance, Family, Field, Faith, Friends, and Fun. In this episode, I’ll walk you through my own process and help you leverage Oola to your advantage. As you seek to balance your life, you will feel infinitely more prepared and more happy as you experience the 50/50 mixture of your flawsome (flawed but awesome) life! Take the Oola quiz here: https://www.oolalife.com/step1 Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

072: ROI With Love

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 28 Oct 2020 00:01:00 -0400

In finance, the term ROI or return on investment refers to the gains you make after putting money into your chosen investment form. In a similar fashion, you will see “gains” of a different kind as you “invest” in your family members. In this episode, I’ll talk a bit about Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages paradigm. In my relationship with David, it took me awhile to realize that my love language (words of affirmation) was not his love language (acts of service). Thankfully, we have been patient with each other through the process of learning each other’s needs, and we have grown as people and as a couple. Learning the love language your spouse or child speaks, and learning to love them unconditionally without any expectation of reciprocation, are vital steps in cultivating healthy relationship dynamics. I have found that, as I show unconditional love to the people who matter to me, and as I work on “my side of the street,” my relationship with David and my kids and even the dog is better. I’m making great returns on my investment! In episode 55, I discussed the “love cup” and how I used it with my students to help them cultivate a spirit of compassion and unconditional love for their peers. I taught them that they needed to have love for themselves in order to give love to others. By that same token, as you accept your flawsome (flawed and awesome) self and show yourself compassion, you will be able to make greater deposits to your spouse, your children, and other people who matter to you. Your returns will be incredible! Take the Love Languages quiz at https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

071: Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 21 Oct 2020 00:01:45 -0400

As parents, we often project predictions of negative behaviors onto our children, then look for evidence of that behavior. Our discontent with a perceived lack in our children is confirmation bias — a self-fulfilling prophecy. Here's how to break free of that toxic mindset.

070: The Label Maker

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 14 Oct 2020 00:01:08 -0400

My mom used her label maker to slap labels on containers for coupons, cosmetics, and more. It's fine to label physical containers. But are we sometimes overzealous in putting labels on our children, these precious containers of beautiful spirits?

069: The Tattlebox

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 07 Oct 2020 00:01:13 -0400

When I was a teacher, I was accustomed to telling my students no. No talking, no running, no fighting. There was also a lot of tattling in my class (and we’ll get back to that in a moment). There was a little boy named Mark, and one day, this tiny boy no more than 6 or 7 said something that permanently altered the course of my teaching style, my parenting approach, and my life. He said, I feel like she’s always mad at us! And boy oh boy, I felt horrible! I had to level with the fact that I was not making my students, my precious stewardship, feel welcome in class. (And by the way, make this your mantra: kids are kids are kids are kids. There’s nothing wrong with your children, and there’s nothing wrong with you.) They could’ve been reading on a ninth-grade level, but I realized that if they were to succeed in life, they needed to feel good in my classroom. All academic successes are secondary to raising children who know how to be good and kind. I made it my goal to change my mindset and my attitudes and look as hard as I could for good things the children were doing. As I praised them for good effort and kind behavior, they were more kind to each other, and I felt better too! Now, back to tattling. Humans — and children in particular — are sensitive to perceived inequities. When they don’t think it’s fair that another person gets to misbehave or not be on task, they’ll call them out for it. Tattling is a natural occurrence, but I took that energy and helped my students channel it into more wholesome outputs with the Tattlebox, a means for kids to affirm and give love to their peers for praiseworthy actions. I have a suspicion this could help many of you in your homes! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

068: House Hacks

Kelly Hutcheson — Tue, 29 Sep 2020 00:01:20 -0400

Cleaning and maintaining your house is an uphill climb every single day. It doesn’t come naturally to me! I am a C+ without any effort, and a B- with exceptional effort. But your relationship with your house is the same as your relationship with any other person in your life! Wild, huh? … Allow me to explain. If you’re stressed, bitter, or angry because of a person, your relationship with them will feel strained. The house is neutral, but you can control your thinking about your house. The state of your house isn’t causing you stress, but your thoughts about your house definitely are. There are a lot of reasons why mess or clutter is triggering. You may not know where to start. It provokes anxiety. It makes it hard to relax in your house. Disorganization disrupts daily living. It’s distracting, it makes you ashamed. I asked which of these possible scenarios resonates with you and a lot of you said “all of the above!” But as you focus on choosing the thoughts you think in relation to your mess or clutter, you’ll begin to see that the tasks that trigger negative thoughts (which in turn trigger negative emotions) can be broken down into smaller tasks. The Pomodoro technique (we talked about this last episode) is great, for example. But the key thing here, the takeaway I hope you get, is that ultimately, you are in control. You do have the power to clean and set the chaos in order, even if it’s just one room, or one closet, or one drawer. As you chip away at the never-ending cleaning, just like me — remember, I’m a B- on my good days — you’ll feel better. You’ve got this! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

067: Organizing Your House Part 2

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 23 Sep 2020 00:01:56 -0400

In this episode, I’ll revisit the monster task: organizing your house! I talked extensively about Brooke Castillo’s CTFAR Model in episode 65, and I’ll mention it again here because plugging your thoughts and feelings (or what you want to think and feel) into this model will help you accomplish your goals. Just like I talked about in episode 64, the Goldilocks principle of a happy “medium” state of being applies not only to your parenting style but to the state of your home. As you work to find a mutual compromise between the members of your family, you’ll feel happier and your kids will feel happier too. I’ll discuss the simultaneous application of various brain hacks to help you slay the beast. One of my favorite tricks is Francesco Cirillo’s Pomodoro technique: set a timer to put your mind in work mode. Sometimes I think to myself, “If I clean for 20 minutes, it won’t be enough, and I’m too tired to clean for 30,” so I’ll set a timer for 25 minutes. More Goldilocks. I also use Dan Sullivan’s “80 Percent Approach” (get mostly there) to say “it’s good enough” because I know I’ll be revisiting any place I clean soon enough. And most importantly, I think about Darren Hardy’s concept of “The Compound Effect,” which is that many small actions over time will have an enormous net effect. That’s never truer than when organizing and cleaning a house! And most importantly, every time you cross off a completed task in your list, the neurons in your brain fire off a little dopamine, a neurotransmitter chemical responsible for “feeling good” and other regulatory functions. So don’t pass up the opportunity to get free drugs! Let’s get cleaning! As a little motivation for you, here’s our transformation video from 2013. https://youtu.be/VHHBcG3Somg I can’t believe we used to live with that clutter! HOLY STRESS! Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!

066: Organizing Your House

Kelly Hutcheson — Wed, 16 Sep 2020 00:01:42 -0400

Let me tell you a tale of two teachers. When I was an intern, I worked under the mentorship of two different teachers with vastly different classroom styles. One had their room in immaculate condition with not a single object out of place; the other had a pretty cluttered (but clean) room. For both of these teachers, the state of their room was comfortable to them. The same should be true of your house. I always say, borrowing Dr. Phil’s expression, “how’s that working for you?” If you are comfortable in your situation, no need to change. However, my personal experience and many testimonies from acquaintances and clients has led me to notice a trend. There is often some correlation between a cluttered house and a cluttered mind. If you feel stressed, out of control, or angry at your spouse or your children, take a moment of introspection and plug the state of your house into The Model that we discussed last week. How is this making you feel? Do you want to clean because you don’t feel good enough based on the cleanliness of your house? That is the very first thing that needs to change! Just like when I coach people who want to lose weight and help them replace their subconscious thought “I hate my body” with “I have a body,” you will be able to approach the goal of a clean house by replacing “I have to clean” with “I get to clean.” Someday if you’re lucky you might end up like my husband David, who says “I love to clean.” I’m still working on it. The key here is to move yourself to set your house in order from the place of yes, the place of an abundance of love. It will be SO much easier for you to invest that time in the eternal task of cleaning if you choose to do it because you want to do it. Subscribe on Apple! Subscribe on Android! Join my FREE parenting bootcamp! Let’s Connect! Here’s where you can find me: Learn more at https://www.coachingkelly.com. Find me on Instagram! Find me on Facebook!